Alcohol, Awkward and Love: Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt...

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 346

You deserved it 57 819

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Same thing different taste

By geniusdrunk - 09/08/2019 02:00

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 712

Do I know you?

By goblue - 21/12/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 470

You deserved it 3 174

How romantic

By SmokedSalmon - 13/02/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 246

You deserved it 43 583

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 1 892

Completely wet

By Anonymous - 27/02/2020 20:00

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 2 035

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 791

Party hard

By Jason the flasher - 15/09/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 3 263

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I woke up fully clothed, trying to remember the night's events. I walk to the den to awkwardly ask my dad for a ride to my car and he points to the computer. A pic of me passed out on the bathroom floor is now our new wallpaper. My skirt was around my knees. He sent it to everyone we know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 001

You deserved it 25 913

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 338

You deserved it 9 837

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 095

You deserved it 7 096

llaawwll 0

Monday 13 July 2009 23:07

At least he didn't have a gun pointed at your face or something.

manoverboard 0

Monday 13 July 2009 23:07

Oh, the joys of drinking.

Comments

Ree_rel 0

Monday 13 July 2009 23:12

ha! How'd your ex feel about that?!

fucklifeee 0

Monday 13 July 2009 23:17

Haha ouch, that's awkward.

soninlaw2be 0

Monday 13 July 2009 23:17

hate to say it, but thats what you get for getting wayyyy to drunk.

Fisheyy 0

Monday 13 July 2009 23:19

YDI for getting too drunk D:

alex_vik 0

Monday 13 July 2009 23:22

There's no way you don't deserve this.

Monado 0

Monday 13 July 2009 23:23

Score, you got drunk and got laid. Bravo, mate. You may have had a great odeal on your hands but with how the situation went, you really screwed up.

bysmuth 0

Monday 13 July 2009 23:23

Anyone else think it's kind of sweet that this was filed under "love" instead of "intimacy"?

kawa_fml 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 0:53

aww, I didn't notice that, maybe getting drunk was a good idea in this one, if it gave him the courage to seek out someone he still cared about... seems like working it out with dad is the major FHL in this one, then.

JoeBentley 0

Monday 13 July 2009 23:35

I have no sympathy or respect for people who drink to the point of blacking out and then either think its cool or who think its a valid excuse for their behavior.

missbucket 0

Monday 13 July 2009 23:47

Nobody cares if you have sympathy for him so stfu.

buckfasthero 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 7:30

Make way for 'Captain Sensible' and his no-nonsense attitude towards being irresponsible once in a while. Do you have a cape? No, you're in a neighborhood watch scheme aren't you? I bet you tried out for the police but they turned you down. You vote Republican I bet. Do you also hate single moms on welfare? You think commies should be nuked, don't you?

FarSide 22

Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:25

go FY. who are you to tell someone to stfu?? Were you his ex-gf?

FarSide 22

Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:26

I would have shot your ass dead.

musu_fml 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 12:20

Why do you assume he's Republican? There's nothing to suggest that he's even American; there are more English-speakers outside of America than there are in America. That you assume this site is only an American hangout paints you with a bit of that moron paint. Well done!

KittyKatGirl 14

Tuesday 14 July 2009 12:33

There is the location this fml was set for, a quite good clue he is American, seems that moron paint is used there too

musu_fml 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:01

He was calling Joebentley a republican, and Joebentley does not have a location set. In the words of the internet: "reading comphrehension fail".

buckfasthero 0

Wednesday 15 July 2009 4:01

Again we have morons for whom humour has to be slapstick to be understood. His attitude portrays the stereotype of a far right republican christian. I also said I 'bet' he votes Republican. He is from Florida, USA as clearly stated, which is a swing state. You aren't intelligent enough to be on FML. That's really bad. Seek help soon.