Intimacy: Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering...

FML for mobile
Free

By lahiros - 30/05/2014 22:05 - Australia - Bentleigh East

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 658

You deserved it 7 540

Summer vacations: Sun and blunders
From beaches to campsites, embark on a journey filled with laughter under the sun... and a few sunburns! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By lonerjik - 19/01/2011 12:05 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping I heard my girlfriend moaning. She was seemed to be having a wet dream. She moaned more in her dream than when having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 306

You deserved it 10 840

Can't win

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 22:00

Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 189

You deserved it 379

Blackmail material

By Anonymous - 09/11/2023 18:00

Today, my wife has video of me asleep on the sofa, clearly having a vivid sex dream, with a raging erection, ending with me having an orgasm that soaked through the front of my shorts, leaving a wet spot, which she helpfully zoomed in on just to really illustrate my shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 185

Countdown

By unsatisfying - 28/10/2010 05:05 - Australia

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 535

You deserved it 15 582

By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 469

You deserved it 812

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 16:00

Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 198

You deserved it 405

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 07:09 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 996

You deserved it 2 967

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 693

You deserved it 229

Peek a boo

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 088

You deserved it 16 182

Cringe factor 1000

By Busted - 05/03/2023 06:00

Today, I woke up to find my girlfriend not sleeping next to me. I go to my car and found a plethora of printed screenshots of me commenting things like, “So hot babe”, “Beautiful! I’d tap that” and other compliments on my female friends’ pictures on Facebook. My girlfriend’s not picking up her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 5 044

Marzell 12

Saturday 31 May 2014 5:13

Kinda creepy. She should just go watch **** or something.....

cherries62212 16

Saturday 31 May 2014 5:13

Looks like someone needs a better woman..

Comments

TayShayKiwi 1

Saturday 31 May 2014 18:51

I don't care if he's in Australia, does anyone notice he says second CUMMING of christ???

Ariana_Grande_fml 8

Saturday 31 May 2014 19:07

Divorce that gal, that is so sad..... If she cant appreciate u..... Nvm just divorce her

simonn96 2

Saturday 31 May 2014 19:38

These hoes ain't loyal

Saraishi 24

Saturday 31 May 2014 19:42

Ewwww. That's creepy stalker behaviour. FYL, OP. And that guy's life.

cook4money 9

Saturday 31 May 2014 19:49

If OP were a woman writing this about her husband, everyone would be yelling " divorce that cheater". I can not imagine how this guy felt, I'm so sorry dude. That really does suck and I hope you talked to her about it. I would not be ok with it but if you are able to forgive her, I wish you the best of luck.