Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me... - FML

By mike oxsmall - 16/06/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 052

You deserved it 6 557

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Same thing different taste

By Hunterxx - 07/08/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 761

You deserved it 7 236

By hellphone_fml - 01/07/2019 20:00

Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 659

Caught

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 617

You deserved it 7 924

By DarkDolly - 04/02/2012 16:39 - France

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 038

You deserved it 3 173

By 123roomielover - 26/01/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 567

You deserved it 3 740

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 301

You deserved it 4 524

Single shot

By irulan - 14/01/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 540

You deserved it 599

By Noname - 13/03/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. After being upset for not hearing my car alarm go off I realized it had in the middle of the night. I had woken up and cursed the idiot who set off their alarm and put a pillow over my head, falling back to sleep shortly after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 784

You deserved it 54 240

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 619

You deserved it 43 665

By BedazzledAlpaca - 08/12/2014 05:03 - United States - Englewood

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 856

You deserved it 4 309

Next

Top comments

ThatFatGuyBehind 3

Thursday 16 June 2011 12:05

How small was it for him to be laughing during a burgalery.

hellogoodbye1996 6

Thursday 16 June 2011 12:05

did he tell you to put clothes on?

Comments

sematariux 7

Thursday 16 June 2011 20:10

I'll hobnock you =) lol

cindiarystrue 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 20:45

Haha nice name

susie_spiff 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 21:11

that is just dandy. maybe he remembered a funny joke.

AnynomousPerson 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 21:19

Rape

Shadow4i5 3

Thursday 16 June 2011 22:01

bet someone was excited to see him

EmoBallerina666 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 22:10

it's your house excuse him for intruding on you and your personal sleeping preference.

mnohoe 9

Thursday 16 June 2011 22:28

Wait, so what did he steal? Your stuff our the back door virtue?

Magnimus 4

Thursday 16 June 2011 22:30

So how did it end? Inquiring minds want to know.

SincerelyPsych 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 23:06

hahaha! when do you find the time to post things like that on websites after a burgalary!

alexxss_fml 10

Thursday 16 June 2011 23:10

and that's when you shouldve gone Bruce Lee on his ass.

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You deserved it 88

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breathes on my neck. Just when I was about to finish, he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck and ear, and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

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You deserved it 9 769

The Top

Today, while talking with my ex, I mentioned I was depressed about turning 40. He said he'd been depressed about turning 40 as well, until he started screwing hot 20-somethings. We were still together when he turned 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 142

You deserved it 4 463

Today, I woke up while staying at my friend's house. I saw the bathroom light on, so for a laugh, I got up and quietly pennied the door. After laughing at him struggling to open the door, I decided to let him out. Turned out it wasn't my friend in there; it was his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 859

You deserved it 31 184

Today, I handed my mother-in-law my phone to see the toy that I was going to get for my nephew. While she had the phone, it swiped away to my last search of… vibrators and sex toys. I have no idea if she saw it before she handed me my phone back, saying, "It went away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 437

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream "Don't take me, take my children!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 692

You deserved it 3 991

Today, I inadvertently gave passers by the middle finger as I tried to stop my glasses from sliding off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 167

You deserved it 1 400

Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 797

You deserved it 83 388