Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me... - FML

By mike oxsmall - 16/06/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 052

You deserved it 6 557

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Same thing different taste

By Hunterxx - 07/08/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 761

You deserved it 7 236

By hellphone_fml - 01/07/2019 20:00

Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 659

Caught

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 617

You deserved it 7 924

By DarkDolly - 04/02/2012 16:39 - France

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 038

You deserved it 3 173

By 123roomielover - 26/01/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 567

You deserved it 3 740

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 301

You deserved it 4 524

Single shot

By irulan - 14/01/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 540

You deserved it 599

By Noname - 13/03/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. After being upset for not hearing my car alarm go off I realized it had in the middle of the night. I had woken up and cursed the idiot who set off their alarm and put a pillow over my head, falling back to sleep shortly after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 784

You deserved it 54 240

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 619

You deserved it 43 665

By BedazzledAlpaca - 08/12/2014 05:03 - United States - Englewood

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 856

You deserved it 4 309

Next

Top comments

ThatFatGuyBehind 3

Thursday 16 June 2011 12:05

How small was it for him to be laughing during a burgalery.

hellogoodbye1996 6

Thursday 16 June 2011 12:05

did he tell you to put clothes on?

Comments

example947 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 16:28

...hand?

chrispyy21 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 16:46

shuld of put it in his mouf. if he dun wun it in his mouf he wun let it is his mouf. 10 pount fasial

CryMoreFMLs 14

Thursday 16 June 2011 16:55

117 - Please go back to second grade remedial Wnglush. Nobody on FML can speak retard gibberish.

supermankisses 1

Thursday 16 June 2011 16:57

Here's a thought, next time, spell so we can all understand you.

CryMoreFMLs 14

Thursday 16 June 2011 16:58

**** pudge fingers and my iphone!!! English*** English*** English*** There. Fixed it.

tastymonsterkake 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 17:01

remember: its not the size of the ship, its the motion of the ocean(:

supermankisses 1

Thursday 16 June 2011 17:03

my comment was for 117 too

rallets 22

Thursday 16 June 2011 17:13

lol at OPs name

Iwashere12345 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 17:15

assuming OP's a boy that is

ScuseMePrincess 2

Thursday 16 June 2011 17:18

You should have used that moment of distraction to pin him down, poot in his face, and turn the gun on him.

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Keywords

Money Health Kids Christmas You're fired Work Bodyshaming Customers Fat Am I overreacting? Social Media Love Facebook AITA Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, my future sister-in-law, who hasn’t even been engaged a week, informed everyone that the wedding is on December 19th, which is the due date of my first child. My brother won’t change the date and is making my family choose between his wedding or being at the hospital with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 525

You deserved it 209

Today, I was taking a shower when the soap began to burn my eyes worse than they've ever burned before. I quickly grabbed whatever cloth I could find to rub my eyes with. My dad's old underwear was the last thing I would expect to find lying near the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 409

You deserved it 5 771

The Top

Today, I hosted a family dinner. I made a roast, potatoes, green beans, and homemade bread. Everything went smoothly until I realized halfway through I'd used powdered sugar instead of flour. No one noticed at first, then my aunt asked in horror, “Why's it taste like cake?” The rest of the meal was eyed suspiciously and I almost fainted from the stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 303

Today, my ex-boyfriend tried to poison my dog, all because I cheated on him. I’m getting bitched at for “breaking his heart” and “attempting to get him in trouble.” Nobody cares what he did to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 1 220

Today, I was washing the dishes at work. I had to pee really bad but first I wanted to finish the dishes. A coworker jumped out from behind the ice machine. I screamed like a girl and pissed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 094

You deserved it 5 621

Today, I tried to prank my girlfriend. I said, “I saw you kissing another guy!” She apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 392

You deserved it 715

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 797

You deserved it 29 350

Today, I woke up to my lovely 16-month old with her diaper on. When I stood up to retrieve and toss it, I also realized she'd pooped into her hand and thrown a log onto the middle of the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 174