Intimacy: Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon!...

By BW - 07/06/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 772

You deserved it 6 306

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Chatham

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 379

You deserved it 3 435

Actor's Studio

By biggieT - 14/06/2012 02:21 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 090

You deserved it 7 591

By girlgirlinsanity - 25/07/2010 11:09 - United States

Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 560

You deserved it 5 779

Shame on you!

By Bjax - 11/10/2017 16:00

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 733

You deserved it 393

By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 455

You deserved it 809

Nervous nelly

By Anonymous - 15/04/2020 05:00

Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 612

You deserved it 373

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 032

You deserved it 4 495

By Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 259

You deserved it 25 002

Dreams never end

By Anonymous - 26/03/2024 08:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 87

Night terror

By unlovedandunfucked - 10/12/2014 18:16 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 768

You deserved it 4 560

ForestFire0 1

Monday 8 June 2009 1:38

I just moderated this one an hour ago! This is very exciting for me. I've never had that happen before. The power is intoxicating! I think I'll fire someone tomorrow! This feeling's great!

MissCherrywhipx 0

Monday 8 June 2009 1:33

Unlucky!

Comments

FoundManyLemons 0

Wednesday 10 June 2009 22:30

Why are you married?

turdburgers 0

Wednesday 10 June 2009 23:42

#65 It happens. One partner gets bored with the other. Even if you don't, your bf probably will.

kms24 0

Friday 12 June 2009 0:33

Hey, at least your name IS Brandon! Good luck to you mate!

OrdinaryMan_fml 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 3:04

Fake story...Only people who are high would name their son Brandon

hustler123 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 3:54

haha lmfao! :P

TheJawsman 18

Sunday 14 June 2009 19:11

Here's a fake chinese proverb: Woman who put man in doghouse...soon find him in cathouse. You should hire a private investigator to see if she's getting it on the side...

TheJawsman 18

Sunday 14 June 2009 20:14

I just had another thought on that too... When you two are lying in bed next to one another...start whacking off. Every night. And make sure you use her name when you do it (that should be a given, but I just had to say it) she may feel more desired by you...or disturbed maybe. But at least your still getting off one way or another.