Health: Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently...

By sickofsick - 30/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 661

You deserved it 3 981

Halloween: Terror and Laughter
Discover stories that combine fright and humor for an unforgettably funny Halloween. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Geyser

By Ouch - 15/08/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 618

You deserved it 11 130

By loveurlifejk - 28/12/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 614

You deserved it 2 131

By sadddddd - 11/09/2011 01:54 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 880

You deserved it 3 270

By shitty day - 30/11/2011 10:53 - United States

Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 191

You deserved it 2 431

By Anonymous - 15/02/2012 05:09 - United States

Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 904

You deserved it 2 960

By Anonymous - 22/06/2016 12:36 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 389

You deserved it 1 493

Man up

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was the flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 678

You deserved it 3 227

By LoveYouTooMa - 20/06/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 926

You deserved it 32 601

By Lunab123 - 01/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Potomac

Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 900

You deserved it 2 560

Wardrobe change please

By Meagan Ortiz - 16/08/2020 23:02

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 260

Ninjaface 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:10

Whatever you do, do NOT make a sarcastic comment about getting a urinary tract infection and/or tapeworms!

shelboo_fml 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:10

A fort in the bathroom with a can of frebreze.

Comments

blakehilli8 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:07

first

HamsteronA 0

Saturday 30 January 2010 20:35

well done dude I'm impressed with ur skill

Ninjaface 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:10

Whatever you do, do NOT make a sarcastic comment about getting a urinary tract infection and/or tapeworms!

pingpongpickle 8

Tuesday 8 June 2010 19:52

so that's why uti means!!!

TehGirreth 0

Monday 21 March 2011 18:30

Time for a comfortable jog. You probably need it.

obnum 19

Friday 30 March 2012 3:24

Careful what you wish for eh?

qwillis98 20

Saturday 14 July 2012 7:19

U SHOULD LIVE ON UR CRAPPER

meanttahhbe 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:10

I'm sorry that sucks

shelboo_fml 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:10

A fort in the bathroom with a can of frebreze.

somuchjustice 0

Friday 1 January 2010 10:10

what he said

dudeitsdanny 9

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:10

I would choose throwing up. Less shitty. Pun intended.

azn22 1

Thursday 31 December 2009 9:32

nice

rosemary_fml 5

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:11

that's so unfair for you! it should be one or the other! the god of infirmity can be so unfair at times

SweetestSin 4

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:12

one of those nights your better off sleeping on the toilet with a bucket in front of you - FYL

ipwnallmen 10

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:13

ouch.... you need to get medical treatment. or get medicine that can put you out for a few hours.

goddamnbrittany 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:21

FAIL XD

iaaan 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:25

#8 and wake up covered in puke and liquid shit? I think not

Keywords

Miscellaneous Neighbours Awkward Wanker Halloween Lonely Love Party Jealousy Family Argument Fight Animals Cats Parents Health Embarrassing Sports Shopping Medication Birds Anger issues Weddings Pranks YouTube TikTok Dogs Cute Work AITA

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around. I was sitting up on my bed when he reached down near my privates and said, "Wow babe, did you shave today? It's so soft…" He was actually touching my bottom roll above my vagina, which delightfully formed a crease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 035

You deserved it 22 061

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have at least combed it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 904

You deserved it 5 999

The Top

Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 261

You deserved it 2 892

Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 048

You deserved it 1 962

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 292

You deserved it 3 741

Today, I went to a theme party where everyone wore white shirts and brought markers to draw on them. I didn't know many people there but I still went around drawing on people's shirts. After a few hours, someone finally drew on my shirt. They wrote "I'm scary." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 006

You deserved it 9 181

Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 772

You deserved it 85 872

Today, I brought home a new small glass necklace and put it somewhere I figured that the cats couldn't reach. I was wrong. Now I will be looking through kitty litter to find something smaller than a dime. Talk about needle in a haystack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 319

You deserved it 3 200

Same thing different taste

Geyser

Man up

Wardrobe change please

Top comments

Comments