Animals: Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to...

By Kitten_Love - 28/01/2013 19:52 - France - Paris

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 115

You deserved it 6 630

Halloween: Terror and Laughter
Discover stories that combine fright and humor for an unforgettably funny Halloween. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Time doesn't always heal

By Anonymous - 03/10/2022 09:30 - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, exactly two years to the date when I thought my dream had came true when my partner surprised me with a kitten. Except two weeks later we had to give him away because my partner was too anxious about the cat destroying any of his stuff. I'm still heartbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 206

Like that scene in Alien!

By Orange cat behavior - 13/06/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I had to vacuum for the first time since getting my new kitten. I feared that he would freak out, so I took measures to make sure he would be comfortable, including a "safe room" with toys and a bed for him. As expected, he freaked out. But instead of going to his room, he jumped and grappled onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 165

Panic!

By Only an orange cat... - 22/02/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out two things about my new cat: One, he is afraid of thunder. Two, his reaction to hearing a loud thunderclap is to jump very high in the air with his claws extended, then run like hell. I discovered this when he jumped and landed right on my face. My face now looks like I smashed it into a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 111

By nenette - 12/11/2014 22:50 - France

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 745

You deserved it 3 581

Wake up, human!

By inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 043

You deserved it 2 358

Rocky VIX

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 361

By MoncaBang - 29/01/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 680

You deserved it 3 453

By elliekilroy - 11/12/2010 00:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 163

You deserved it 29 133

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 730

You deserved it 8 164

By crazy cat lady - 03/12/2014 23:24 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 345

You deserved it 3 675

ollie179 21

Monday 28 January 2013 23:03

Everyone must of thought you were cool. Carrying pussy in your bag...

Pleonasm 35

Monday 28 January 2013 23:04

Well the cat's out of the bag now.

Comments

stehsha24 9

Tuesday 29 January 2013 21:23

That's actually so cute :(

eaglerob 20

Tuesday 29 January 2013 22:35

That's so freaking cute

candiighal1121 14

Tuesday 29 January 2013 22:59

Thats 2 cute! My kitten does the same . Shes a silly one

xs4u 13

Tuesday 29 January 2013 23:37

Aww! Poor guy! He must have gotten surprised!

liesseling 13

Tuesday 29 January 2013 23:38

This totally made me laugh out loud

darcy2711 1

Tuesday 29 January 2013 23:48

Is giving it a thund up good in this situation, i'm honestly confused

longtimesunshine 4

Wednesday 30 January 2013 1:12

CUTE

madgrinchhatter 12

Wednesday 30 January 2013 2:22

This is adorable. I love this.

aribari373 5

Wednesday 30 January 2013 4:32

That is so adorable! I wish my dog would do that!

reaper1718 7

Wednesday 30 January 2013 6:19

Now that's a cool cat I give him mad props. You would of been the coolest person ever just cause of your cat

Keywords

Animals Cats Gross Health Relatable Poopoo peepee Parents Creepy Kids Scary Mental health Miscellaneous Cold weather Embarrassing Love Tinder Dating Cute Work Transportation Cops Awkward Crush Sports Teachers Education AITA Weddings Public freakouts Mother in law

The Top

Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 976

You deserved it 6 824

Today, after staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn't lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 099

You deserved it 42 358

The Top

Today, I found out that I was adopted. I'm 46 years old with 11 real siblings and no one bothered to tell me until I found the documents in my dead adoptive father's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 854

You deserved it 2 461

Today, my dog had diarrhea in his cage. While I was carrying his dirty bed downstairs to the washer, he ran by and tripped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 660

You deserved it 302

Today, I checked my bank account online and noticed two checks that I didn't write had gone through, so I got copies of them and recognized the handwriting. It was my best friend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 66

Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 614

You deserved it 2 796

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 785

You deserved it 15 278

Today, my 8-year-old daughter came home from school, saying she had gotten engaged and was wearing a ring. It looked real. Later that night, I got a call saying that their son had given my daughter his grandma's engagement ring. My daughter actually said no to the engagement, but still took the ring, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 183