Love: Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near...

By reallyman__639 - 13/12/2011 12:26 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 560

You deserved it 17 504

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/07/2009 06:31 - United States

Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a ziploc filled with hair. It was his mustache I had been begging him to shave for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 803

You deserved it 20 451

By mylifesucks - 18/04/2009 07:20 - Netherlands

Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 374

You deserved it 7 034

By Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 279

You deserved it 18 563

By salt. - 28/02/2012 22:04 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 180

You deserved it 2 634

By NoRingForMe - 18/07/2012 17:03 - United States - Stamford

Today, I went into hysterics and started crying when my boyfriend pulled out a Tiffany's box at dinner. Then I found out he'd used the old box to make the $15 earrings he bought seem more "special." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 883

You deserved it 14 061

By nickrick12 - 19/07/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, as a 1 year anniversary present, my boyfriend let me see and wear my engagement ring. He then made me give it back at the end of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 178

You deserved it 5 860

Brown and sticky

By Jon - 14/03/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me, "Oh, I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a fucking stick for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 161

You deserved it 6 339

Nice try

By forgottenbday - 11/07/2012 05:09 - United States - Canoga Park

Today, my boyfriend treated me to a surprise romantic dinner, got me a huge balloon bouquet, a dozen roses, and a beautiful card for my birthday. Too bad it's his ex's birthday and not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 622

You deserved it 2 764

Best birthday ever!

By IHateMyLife - 01/02/2021 08:01

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 292

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 139

You deserved it 4 169

skinthesnakes 6

Tuesday 13 December 2011 16:04

Did you not "wand" it?

apache316 6

Tuesday 13 December 2011 16:06

Screw the necklace, I'd take the wand.

Comments

tylahgrace 12

Tuesday 13 December 2011 22:11

what? that's pretty sick

Peach3 1

Tuesday 13 December 2011 22:13

BAZINGA!!!

barnhouse92 3

Tuesday 13 December 2011 22:17

If you don't want it can I have the wand

ohmandapants 16

Tuesday 13 December 2011 22:23

71- could be trying to type while under the Cruicatus curse.

ohmyitsbailey 0

Tuesday 13 December 2011 22:54

I don't see the problem.

RockMe_fml 0

Tuesday 13 December 2011 23:04

It is so Q

tessamoodle 2

Tuesday 13 December 2011 23:05

Holy poop that's awesome!!

Ariande 0

Tuesday 13 December 2011 23:07

Lucky!! I want a wand. :)

nekroseftychia 9

Tuesday 13 December 2011 23:13

Most people would want the wand but if the OP isn't into that type of thing the boyfriend should kinda know that and pick a more suitable gift

aejansson 3

Tuesday 13 December 2011 23:14

This is an MLIA story.

Keywords

Gross Animals Cats Poopoo peepee Health Relatable Kids Scary Mental health Parents Creepy Miscellaneous Cold weather Embarrassing Dating Tinder Love Work Cute Transportation Cops Awkward Sports Crush Teachers Education AITA Public freakouts Mother in law Weddings

The Top

Today, I walked into a public toilet and I opened a stall door, only to discover someone who had forgotten to lock the door sitting on the can. Instead of saying "Sorry," I panicked and said, "Nice shoes!" I then had to wait until they left because I was too embarrassed to face them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 148

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!...

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 12

The Top

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 892

You deserved it 11 185

Today, I found out my trousers have actually been slowing ripping on the side, after I'd been boasting to everyone I have lost weight and that, “My trousers are literally falling off me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 394

Today, my coworker paid me back the $15 I let him borrow and we shook hands. Later, I was called into my boss's office, where he threatened to fire me for doing a drug deal in front of customers. The police are getting involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 251

You deserved it 268

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to. We ended up at his house around 4 a.m., but as we walked through the front door, his ex-girlfriend was sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home. They still live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 131

You deserved it 1 095

Today, at work, I had to analyze timecards data and generate a report on the least billed / occupied people at work. I found myself at the bottom. I sent it to my boss too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 172

Today, my mom struggled tried to say my name. She said my brother's name, my sister's, my dad's, my uncle's, and finally my cat's (who doesn't even have a human name) before she gave up and said, "You!" and pointed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 120