She needs a serious fking reality check! I would take her phone, her keys and computer or laptop and say that since it is these things that have taught her to speak like a moron she can go without them until she learns to speak English again. And for her car, well she deserves to have that taken off her. I would start throwing balls at her and yelling left or right for which hand to block it with. if she gets one wrong add another 5 minutes to this exercise.

You, my man, failed at parenting.

she doesn't even sound old enough to drive

This is the future... :/

This is the future... :/

You should take her to an animal hospital so they can fix her.

I wouldn't allow my daughter speak that way. If she can't express what she wants, why should I try to comply. Maybe it is time for some Parenting lessons and therapy for the both of you.

OK, your life doesn't sound so hot at the moment. But what is your daughter's life going to be like? Stupid and irresponsible behavior doesn't suggest a bright future.

What worries me isn't the left/right mixup, because you can take a detour if your turn the wrong way, it's how the hell did she crash?? You don't just wreck your car by turning right instead of left (unless you're seriously not paying attention and smash into something) I think it was some bullshit to cover up that she was doing something else...like not paying attention to the road to take a "über hot" duck face selfie.

Are you sure you did mean 8 years old?