Kids: Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams...

By chelserusera - 14/05/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 380

You deserved it 7 624

Valentine's Day: Love and Maladresse
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Same thing different taste

Gummy

By madeleine - 08/04/2021 05:00

Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 292

By gross - 06/08/2015 17:28 - United States

Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 825

You deserved it 3 173

By ManchotDesAndes - 26/02/2015 07:35 - France - Bezons

Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 305

You deserved it 11 169

By Lisaa918 - 10/06/2009 14:49 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 204

You deserved it 6 188

By nutrigrain123 - 23/05/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 559

You deserved it 27 578

Nice of her

By Bill - 06/12/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 967

You deserved it 18 123

By laughxlove - 23/08/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 822

You deserved it 32 991

Flustered

By Anonymous - 21/06/2024 14:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 111

By nutsucker - 08/03/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 532

You deserved it 10 868

By shoelace18 - 06/09/2009 04:19 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 888

You deserved it 5 973

amsilent 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 10:39

rofl. that's kind of cute, yet gross.

jumpgurl23 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 10:46

kids do the darndest thing

Comments

hk_fml 9

Thursday 14 May 2009 12:28

Ewwwwwwwiieee... that's not cute at all, it's fricken disgusting. D: you need to teach her not to do that

worlds123dumbest 4

Monday 27 August 2012 4:53

The kids three. If anything, this is to be expected..

Hadley_fml 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 12:48

"Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time to ingest sandwiches from my compartment."

trongtn 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 12:58

^Awesome! I love Futurama! And quite the appropriate quote. OP FYL - that's gross.

CodeMonkey123 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 13:01

YDI for allowing your children to do this in the 1st place....

latuka 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 13:19

ewww i think 18 has it worse.. if the ops kid is clean that is. grosssss.

mEeLa_fml 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 13:29

OP, this is a good opportunity to teach ur kid so she doesn't end up like #10... Obviously you're doing something right cos she seems to have the concept of sharing down quite (almost too) well =)

plethora 3

Thursday 14 May 2009 13:30

#10: Not in my underpants, but certainly I have stashed my phone or a bit of cash in my bra when I have no pockets or bag.

sublime93 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 13:39

Best fml submitted in a while. St

Guairdean 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 14:03

Be sure to keep a journal or a diary of all of the things he does. It will be a real joy for both of you in the future.

nanner6206 24

Friday 24 June 2016 4:43

I write the fun stuff in their baby books

fueledbyamy 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 14:07

yeah, i keep stuff in my bra. mobile (not anymore, hiptop is too chunky, haha) lip balm, small purse with money. it's handy for clubbing and gigs and stuff. but not the undies. thats just... gross...