By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 07:23 - United States

Spicy
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
I agree, your life sucks 27 066
You deserved it 59 341
Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…
Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Next

Top comments

suitgirl5 5

If you don't know how to have sex or have an understanding of how it works at all you are too young to be doing it.

1139 26

Comments

griffins33 4

There's always tomorrow!

555 23
Jaxx66 21

Keep trying. Practice makes perfect. :)

64 11
ring13 0

If you're not old enough to know what happens you're probably not old enough to have sex.

715 16
zack11742 7

I would say doesn't matter had sex but....

150 6
osnapitzaris 0

he's too young for you, sis.

15 74
XxDevilxXGt 26

There's always middle school, try leaving elementary first, it might be too early. ^^

190 3
analisemarie 12

I was going to thumb you up Ring13 but....there's 69 thumbs ups. Don't want to ruin that. I'll just leave this here.

osnapitzaris 0

thats okay, there's currently 90 thumbs up now. lol

honne_tatemae 9

The sex ed scenes in Mean Girls gives a pretty accurate description.

98 7
hubla 0

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow smiling at you everyday I love Disney

5 63
kyarush 10

..... What has this world come to?....

11 26
LolFMLnot 10

Go on google and search "how to have sex" Everything is in google! Trust!!

28 2
musicluvr2000 11

276 to be exact

0 23
spekledworf 18

Read this too my boyfriend. His advice to your boyfriend: "you've gotta break her in!"

2 31
SuddsTv 6

Exactly!,thats what google it for!, to tell you things you dont know

1 6
daffyduckdd 2

If you are too stupid to figure it out. Then you shouldn't be allowed to pro create anyway so don't worry.

24 10
failmaster069 7

for humanitys sake i hope there isn't :/ we'll have a generation of people running around missing chromosomes..

10 4
amber551133 5

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
12 34
Jdubbs_14 0

12:04 so you're saying someone at the age of 12 can have sex? :p lol Jk

2 4
ClassyCommando 13

You stick your McSchmoigity in her Geflaivity and then you gigity, gigity, gigity!

303 13
GreatGeak 8

I'm just surprised that he'd never watched five minutes worth of ****. it really doesn't take much to get the idea.

181 5
Meowingtons500 18

207- that's what he said! Sorry guys, someone had to do it.

121 42
CVeNgineer 0

Who else but quagmire

53 7
fukthisss 5

It should be- maybe that's why it took so long. It wasn't hard.

4 36
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19

Possibly the best explanation for beginners.

6 19
Dominodev 3

Maybe that was the problem

0 16
lolatyofail 0

Or hole b or m o_O

5 35
celiinne 0

I see what you did there (:

2 23
KeyboardWarrior 10

This is the fastest and most thumbed up comment I've ever seen. Nice job 3.

69 5
kikidi 6

Right #405, because that's what most people do the first time they have sex.

31 2
anncorinnelife 4

Omg.. Penis in ******

6 34
twilightluvr101 4

Wow that's two dumbass's that won't procreate, now what to do with the rest...

22 6
ALpein 0

He stuck his thingy in my you know what and I went "Oh oh oh"

2 17
JustStella 28

We really need to be able to favorite comments, man...

16 1
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

This FML is getting so Many 'thumbed up' comments. Love it!

1 5
ninjacapo 2

Or "mr penis, please meet mrs ******."

1 10
MonsterSlayer13 5

if you couldn't find out how to have sex..obviously your too young to have it.

17 0
tyler004 0

guess it's a good think they can't have offspring if they can't figure out how to perform coitus:P

5 0
kittykat72 4

Well first time lovers have awkwardness and condition I can see why it would be hard

0 3
MagicallyFat 12

Their prob to young and have no idea what to do…

79 6
CryMoreFMLs 14

91 - It's not too difficult.... Just let it come naturally.

53 5
jizzwold 21

It's possible that they aren't that young but they are/were really sheltered. I wish the op would always follow up on their fmls so we could have answers to things like this.

74 3
dkboo863 0

You do need to have sex first for it to "come naturally" tho

9 43
CryMoreFMLs 14

183 - Sex should be already programmed into our minds. It's one of our great mindsets... I think.

34 3
videokid2000 10

#210 Now that I think about it, if it's not programmed into our minds, how did cavemen figure it out?

24 2
BostonBruinsFan 8

210/333-Being male is the best cuz Sex is all that a guy thinks about

0 0
SirCharles83 13

333- the wheel wasn't programed into our minds and we figured that out- just sayin

13 9
Mister_Triangle 21

Yeah, not being intelligent enough to figure out how to reproduce is natural selection at it's finest.

11 0
Angel_Cacey 7

If your age is on the clock your to young

5 1
lil_ham1644 29

"For ****." You forgot the rest of the rhyme.

0 0
jkozzy 8

Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much......

582 14
DrMime 10

^-got to do with it! Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken!

53 2
MatheusRajuidas 5

I think that globally, there was so much of innocent love that they forgot about their genital organs reproductive use.

2 20
sabb1228 0

Love has a lot to do with it... Just the two people normally don't love each other, if you know what I mean. (creepy wink)

4 26
muzy 23

It's people like Mr.Wonka over there ( points at #212) who make me feel as though there is still hope for mankind !

11 3
lukemack 4

You really shouldn't be talking no Offense your only 15

0 12
muzy 23

370 stop patronising people and quit acting like you drank from the fountain of wisdom...

17 0
WhoaItsKiernan 4

211--I thought mimes couldn't talk..err..sing

3 3
muzy 23

400- I do believe that that gentleman is not a mime. He is no other than Mr. Willy Wonka.

0 3
spazz666 18

370; he may be only 15 but he's probably a lot more intelligent than you considering the wording of your comments...

0 3
beelee1988 13

I thought 212's picture was the guy from 'A Clockwork Orange'

1 1
Awes0meperson 10

Why are you talking? You're only 18

0 4
Jason199615 0

Maybe that's a sign that's telling you its not time.

322 9
Urbanchiller 0

I call "FAKE AND GAY" on this one.

1 1
ALlamaOnFire 20

The only thing that worries me is that they spent time trying to work out how to insert his penis into her. There's a choice of 2/3 ... openings and the third one is not even visible...

25 1
copy125 0

More like wait 5-10 years till you hit puberty and are actually old enough to have sex

13 2
ntherewas1 11

Agreed. But I was actually wondering, if OP is able to use the Internet to access FML, surely the internet could give fruition to many, many, many, many 'tips' on sex??

6 0
trololol6969 3

They would have probably spent another 30 mins trying to figure out how to put on a condom....

5 0
tjv3 10

I agree. People now adays treat sex as something casual and it's not

5 1
suitgirl5 5

If you don't know how to have sex or have an understanding of how it works at all you are too young to be doing it.

1139 26
RahmEsHestos 5

They are probly 13 year old middle shoolers who want to be the first in their class to give it a go. Probly haven't even had to learn about it in health yet either

66 6
jtthegr8 26

It should be self explanatory really, i mean the way we teenagers are these days i feel like OP and boyfriend are secluded from the public

25 2
dstrad11890 4

Exactly what I was thinking

3 3
supermonke07 0

I'm 13 and I know what it is and how to do it. (not saying that I did. Im waiting till I'm ready) but seriously age isn't the problem here. It's just stupidity. We watch those scenes In movies and tv shows all the time and yet they still don't know.

23 14
Pandacupcakelove 26

But they didn't, did they? -.- why are there soooo many comments

0 15
Pandacupcakelove 26

300- OMG really? -.- obvviously they know HOW they're just not ready! Dont take everything so litterarly! That's stupidity ;)

3 46
stevenJB 25

Lol. 13year olds? There's 11 year olds getting prego round here

20 3
BillyDisselhorst 3

If they couldn't even figure out what to do they obviously weren't going to use birth control which is even stupider.

14 1
BostonBruinsFan 8

314-I'm 13 and in 6TH GRADE the puberty movie thingy showed us EVERYTHING and my (thankfully male) 6TH GRADEteacher told us EVERYTHING that the movie didn't; condoms, sex toys, ect. What's your problem?

5 2
Awes0meperson 10

You know your body is mature enough at 13, but you just don't have the responsibility to handle a child. A 4 and 5 year old had a child once (long ago, in China I think.)

7 9
mataocike 3

Var AgeA=you age; Var AgeB= his age; var canMakeLove? AgeA>=18&& AgeB>18:ture|false； if（ canMakeLove）｛ Var A= Rod; Var B= Slot; Var timeA=****** time； if（var timeB=0;timeB<timeA;timeB++）{ Insert A into B； pull out A； ｝ ｝

0 0
lynkynpark86 7

That is not physically possible. No female ovulates until at least 7, and then it would either be miscarried or die during birth

5 10
Talis99 26

Well, then Guinness, news reporters, and video and hospital records are wrong. She was five, she is from Peru, and both child and mother survived. And yes, it can happen, for a variety of reasons, to start early.

0 0
Sebastian_NG 17

How old are you exactly OP, because because if you knew that much about sex you're probably too young, Amish or North Korean

382 14
sqeakyclean 7

Amish people have sex. Just not with the lights on.

143 9
ElricMustang 23

They don't have ligths to turn on, though.

37 18
ClassyCommando 13

North Korean? The **** are you talking about? They know how to make children.

61 11
Krajjan 9

Common misconception. All North Korean children are born from the divine leader's holy penis tears.

111 2
glittercookies 12

North Korea wouldn't allow their citizens on FML. So we can rule that out.

18 4
taco_bender 12

They reproduce like wabbits. They are a million of asians. There not endangered anymore.

1 14
Guren 0

Koreans and Asians are two different nationalities.

0 0
PandaPandamoneum 0

Amish people don't have computers, so no internet. No internet, no FML

12 3
MargieDrury 1

Soo all these comments pretty much answered the is too young.

2 1
aubmkiern13 0

Or they are north korean that lives in us, or an Amish person who has parents that are separated & one ain't Amish

0 4
Lil_Red777 21

the Amish don't use any form of technology so there goes that theory don't ya think.

0 4
Heinousness 0

My school taught this to us( we had a lot of pregnant girls)

0 2
desireev 17

It's a sign that you weren't supposed to lose it today. Be patient, OP! It will happen! :)

77 29
muzy 23

speaking from experience are we 346?

6 0
perdix 29

That's a disgrace considering the easy availability to training videos on the Internet, aka ****.

323 33
Feklfekl2222 32

I am disappointed with myself for thumbing ip your comment, I changed it from 69 :(

6 32
ScurvyD 2

I thumbed down to get it back to 69. Not because I didn't like the comment

6 28
RahmEsHestos 5

We share the exact same thoughts

4 1
Fkeeler97 0

He has to stick it into you. If you didnt know that then.... SexEd class for you too.

34 70
TColby 12

Why should a school have to teach them?

2 7
tdawg4200 0

Because clearly their parents didn't.

0 0
oops_im_fucked 8

Yeah I heard "nasal" is pretty nice tho...

6 1