Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first...

By Alicia - 21/01/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 391

You deserved it 6 349

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Bad sex ed

By Sex ed instructor, fuck me - 18/04/2022 06:00

Today, I was ready to have sex with my new boyfriend. Turns out he's a 30 year-old virgin who doesn't know shit. He couldn't find my vagina and was just humping my crotch, then when he finally got it in it was 5 pumps, a squirt and done. He thinks he did a good job. Now I have to teach him how to do it properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 100

You deserved it 795

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 07:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 064

You deserved it 59 340

Running gag

By needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 365

You deserved it 333

By Blueberrypicc - 13/08/2010 01:01 - United States

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 325

You deserved it 38 090

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 01:23 - Canada - Bedford

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 045

You deserved it 6 089

By ReallyBro - 21/03/2012 07:27 - United States - Keller

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 513

You deserved it 11 369

Absolute beginners

By dancerr2210 - 09/06/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 276

You deserved it 6 969

Bad start

By fuck but no fuck - 02/08/2013 19:44 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 140

You deserved it 28 446

Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 038

You deserved it 5 520

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 408

You deserved it 6 030

epoh_fml 0

Thursday 21 January 2010 12:10

aw it sucks but you're doing him a great deed. My brother is a 31 year old virgin (I am 85% sure of this). SOMEONE has to help those poor guys out!

jf7609 0

Thursday 21 January 2010 12:21

which hole? this guy hasn't seen any ****?

Comments

spaceghost1331 0

Thursday 21 January 2010 16:22

awesome!

KurouTenshi 0

Thursday 21 January 2010 17:07

that's funny :D and yah you should stay with him and teach him!!

jonny2x4 0

Thursday 21 January 2010 18:01

How the hell do you snap yourself in the "happy sack" with a rubber? If you buy condoms anywhere but a bar or college bathroom, there are clear instructions on how to put it on. It's so simple even a caveman can do it. How hell does he not know which hole to put it in? It's really not that complicated. You probably could have had him poke you in the bellybutton and he wouldn't know the difference.

OkageStarr 0

Friday 22 January 2010 4:52

Hey, that's offensive to cavemen. They were getting it on LONG before we ever were.

intint50 0

Saturday 3 April 2010 3:50

that's probably something to do with the fact that they existed long before we did .

I_Like_Kittys 0

Thursday 21 January 2010 18:08

Aw, give him a break ;)

marc_with_a_c 3

Thursday 21 January 2010 18:15

.. couldn't he just let you do the job, if he didn't know what he was doing? seriously.. and how the **** do you snap your balls with a condom, unless you pull it way too far, that shouldn't happen

sparxva 12

Thursday 21 January 2010 18:15

At least he *asked* first. He'll be fine once you break him in.

onnielief 4

Thursday 21 January 2010 18:27

There is probably areason WHY he was still a virgin. Even a 12 year old would know where to put his penis, unless he never ever had a biology lesson in his life. FAKE1

namhowell 6

Thursday 21 January 2010 18:32

Which hole to put it in? Hahahahaha now this is funny!!! LOLLL. I hope you didn't point toward your mouth with his condom still on lol. Now that was my first inappropriate comment lol! FYL.

skyeyez9 24

Thursday 21 January 2010 18:56

Poor ignorant bastard, lol. He should be able to tell the difference between an asshole and vag at 34yrs old.

skyeyez9 24

Thursday 21 January 2010 19:00

Theres a guy I work with who is 27 and still a virgin. He said he never even saw naked lady pictures except in school textbooks, even then he said he felt embarassed to see the images. He Was raised mormon and sexually repressed.