By cupcakechick - 04/06/2013 20:55 - Canada - Toronto
cupcakechick tells us more.
hey guys, OP here, my bf is an amazingly great guy, and he cares about me very much, and Its just I have low self esteem, so even if I bump into him, ill apologize over and over again, and it bugs him because im always beating my self up, we have great communication, so later that day he called me back and apologized for being rude, im the luckiest girl alive to have a bf like mine :)
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My boyfriend does the exact same thing for absolutely no reason. It /does/ get verrrrry annoying. I'm with the boyfriend here.
Not gonna lie, I've found the same thing in a previous girlfriend absolutely maddening...but the boyfriend is still making the relationship unhealthy.
I apologized to my ex aaaall the time and I later found out that it was because of low self-esteem. To make matters worse, my ex would put me down a lot. I have to wonder if that's the case here. :/
Both my boyfriend and I apologize a lot but it works out since we're both the same. After a couple of hours of "I'm sorry I did X" "I'm sorry you had to do X because I did Y" and "Oh no, you only did Y because I did Z, I'm so sorry" we feel better and move on. I think it just matters if you're both the same, you can't have a compulsive apologizer with a normal apologizer, but you can have both be one or the other.
My ex used to do this ALL the time. It drove me mad because when all you ever hear is "I'm sorry" when things go wrong, it starts to feel insincere. Instead of taking responsibility for things or saying we could work on it or doing anything reassuring, all I'd hear was "sorry". I kept thinking "That's it? But that's all you ever say". Even if the "sorry" is genuine it doesn't quite communicate everything that should be said, and sometimes your significant other needs to hear more than just those two words. The frustration has really gotten to the boyfriend, and the only thing that can fix it is better communication, not another apology.
#119 and #120 completely agree, my previous love interest would apologize all the time or just say how bad she feels about it, but then would or continue to do something that would completely detract from the apology. Apologize less, let your actions speak, everyone ends up happier.
I do the same thing. I literately apologize for everything and people are always annoyed by it :/
Studies show that your condition is usually a sign of low self esteem and can lead to even lower self esteem, you should try to work on that
One of my coworkers constantly apologizes for everything. He's a really awesome guy but he's apologizes for things that aren't his fault, things he had nothing to do with and things that are beyond anyone's control. And yes he's apologized for apologizing.
Might just be bc your parents made you apologize for everything.. I know it's automatic for me to apologize sometimes. I don't even mean it. I just say it bc when people are upset my subconscious knows sorry is supposed to make it better.
I do to to my family - drives them up the wall at times. Yes, I do have low self esteem, I just get upset and tongue tied and don't know what else to say. We need a serial apologisers club. Sorry.
Almost the same thing happened with me and my boyfriend. Just promise to stop it and stay alert.
I do the same thing too. My fiancé gets annoyed with it sometimes, but I think he just realizes it's the way I am.
That does suck OP. Either find a significant other who doesn't get upset easily or be on your own for a while. You'd be better off without this dude for sure.
hey guys, OP here, my bf is an amazingly great guy, and he cares about me very much, and Its just I have low self esteem, so even if I bump into him, ill apologize over and over again, and it bugs him because im always beating my self up, we have great communication, so later that day he called me back and apologized for being rude, im the luckiest girl alive to have a bf like mine :)
Ah, I can relate. In certain situations where I'm nervous, I do the same thing. A friend of mine also has the same issue. Put us two together and it's apology overkill.
I posted a few hours after this happened, then a few hours later he called back
I'm glad he called back to apologize. Ironic huh?? Haha anyways. I used to apologize for more things than I should have. A friend taught me the phrase "don't be sorry, be silly" for when id say "I'm sorry" to things that weren't really my fault. Hope it helps OP.
He still shouldn't have yelled at you when a simple "Hey, this is starting to bug me" would do. If he really cared so much, he never would have yelled in the first place. It was really immature of him to do so.
@139 no it wasnt, he is always calm with me, and is always telling me. but I cant help it, and like I said he was super stressed with school, and he flipped, but at least he called back and apologized
The exact same thing happened to me the other day, except we were laying down, so he just pushed me off the bed instead.
You seem like a nice girl and shouldn't beat yourself up:D
Don't worry OP. I'm like this with my boyfriend too. He gets a little annoyed but then I just poke him in the side (He's really ticklish) and he is not annoyed anymore. Is it strange that I even feel the need to pay him back for dates???
A Lot*
ALOT OF FIRE
Same here love
And here we can witnesses the very common attention ***** ladies and gents, they show cleavage in their photos and practicaly beg for likes, but don't startle them or they'll freak and call for more
Um, there is no cleavage in her picture.
It's ok OP, I do the same thing :) Mine is caused by childhood abuse
Mine is caused by working in the fast food industry
Mine is caused by the fact that I mess up all the time :(
Mine is from working with sick people.
C-c-c-c-combo breaker
Let's get the "combo" going again! *clears throat* Mine is from being weird and making people mad all the time.
That's what you get for being Canadian and polite. Just kidding. Sorry for your loss OP, but I'm sure If you're trying to make him happy you can do better.
It's true though, Canadians are stereotypically too polite.
Yes and I'm not sure why. We can be just as assholish as the next guy.
quit feeling so responsible for his moods and happiness... you may not apologize so much.
So call him back and apologise for apologising for apologising. Simple.
Yo dawg, I heard you like apologies...
When you say you're sorry all the time, are you really sorry? Or are you saying it because you think that's what he wants to hear?
I say it because I feel bad for something I did even if I didnt do anything wrong
Don't worry, dear! I do too and it drives everyone (including my boyfriend) crazy. You are definitely not alone!
I feel you, I apologize way too often too. Sorry he reacted that way OP.
its ok, he was under a lot of stress from school, but he apologized later on
I think this is the first time I've seen the OP comment more than once.
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I do the same thing. I literately apologize for everything and people are always annoyed by it :/
Wow... I'm so sorry to hear that OP.