...way to assume this woman is any better than the guy shes with. usually if one of the partners is a douche so is the other, this is not a rule as there are many exceptions but i dont know of many long term relationships in which someone who isnt a tool has a child with someone who is.

What bothers me is the father should willingly pay child support for his child. Not wait until he is taken to court. That is his baby and it hurts the kid when they realized their biological father didnt want to be there for him, refused to help support him, preferred to get drunk vs being there for him.

breaking up =/= not being there or supporting.

they were in a relationship for FOUR YEARS how long are you supposed to wait? A couple of months will show you someones character and love should be apparent sometime in those four years. OP may have waited 2 and a half years then had the baby. There is also nothin wrong with sex without love as long is it isn't your first time and you are not dropping your kecks for every person who shows some interest. A baby however should be brought into a loving relationship.

the baby wasnt just born. you dont know that she didnt have sex with him on the first night and got pregnant. while i dont believe completely in the original comment, your logic is unsound. if you dont wanna wait thats your business, but then when shit like this happens its going to be a YDI. if youre not prepared to raise a child alone or have an abortion you shouldnt be having sex with someone before you get to know them...if you get to know them, and this happens, you did a pretty half assed job at it...

how do you know the baby wasn't just born, our scenarios are as plausable as the other. Btw who refers to a three year old as a baby? OP would have said "who I have a three year old son/daughter with" When someone refers to their kid as a baby it usually means they are under a year.

Did you read the part where I said "Make sure he is a good person?" Most likely, she ignored warning signs that he is an ass. Who the hell dumps the mother of his child cause his friends didn't him tied down? That there shows serious character flaw.

my mistake, we dont know the baby wasnt just born, we also dont know that it was. your use of terminology really doesnt mean anything in todays society in which people interchange words at will. its not uncommon to still call a child a baby for the first few years of its life.

I doubt she ignored warning signs, people change you know. I also doubt OP was fooling herself for 4 years who the hell would do that and bring a kid in on top of that. People can hide their true selves for ages that how people end up being killed by their spouses or beaten to a pulp once they are married or once they have combined households. Ops bf could have been the sweetest guy alive and worshiped the ground she walked on then after four years needed a way out. Shit happens.