yeah stable parental relationships are overrated

With 50% of marriages ending in divorce, the term 'marriage' doesnt mean stable. If somebody is unhappy in a relationship theyre going to end it. Married or not. All marriage does is make it a longer process in ending the relationship. For somebody to call into question how stable a home is or parental skills based soley off the fact that theyre unwed is narrowminded.

@188 I love you for your senisble comments. People need to realise that marriage never had anything to do with love when it was created because it was a business or political transaction. It was used to make sure that only legitimate heirs inherited things and was used to build relationships between countries. Marriage can be a beautiful thing but it is a choice not a nessecity. If you need a ring on your finger as a sing of commitment then its maybe time to rethink your life outlook.

Marriage is more than just a business relationship so your heirs are protected. The whole point is to completely commit yourself to the other person. There's a reason divorce is complicated (hint: because marriages are supposed to be forever). Too many people are treating marriage today as they did "going steady" back in the 1950s. Unless your spouse is cheating or beating you, you'd better spend at least a year in marriage counseling before calling it quits or it's always a YDI.

#193 For the win. One of the points of marriage is having a stable ground yeah you guys have kids with your boy friend's but according to the law your "bf" isn't the legal father. I'm actually an attorney and i've never seen or heard of a case where the boyfriend of the mother was considered the legal father of the child so at this point you've not only jeopardized yourself but your child. The second point is if you guys split up your child wouldn't necessarily have the right to child support. It sounds to me like you guys are both afraid of commitment simply because of a divorce that happened and now you use that as a catalyst to avoid marriage and if I'm not mistaken the main reason some of the people in "the new generation" don't want to get married is because they can't run and duck when things get tough.

I have to call bs on that call. a friend of mine signed his exs childs birth certificate, when they broke up (were never married) she said he wasnt the father. He got a dna test to prove it was his. Ends up baby wasnt his. so tell me why did the state still make him pay child support stating that because he was listed on the birth certificate as the father he was legally the dad? Even though he was armed with a dna test? My son has his fathers last name, my boyfriend signed the birth certificate, we went through all the legal steps to ensure nobody could ever pull into question who my sons father is. And were not married now because we dont see a reason to, marriage wont bind us together for life, our child does. Right now we have other thingd we'd rather spend the money on. Like our son, our bills & our schooling. In anycase, our relationship isnt broke, so were not going to try to fix it

Oh, i see so you're counting on your child to keep you together eh? That's an even worse relationship choice i agree with the person above who said staying together simply because you have kids isn't necessarily the best decision because at a certain age the child idealizes the parents relationship styles and habits and those are the habits they'll carry into their relationships. A child doesn't and CANNOT make a relationship permanent if someone wants to leave you bad enough they will child or not the purpose of marriage is to ensure that when or if the person leaves you you can make sure that the person will be legally bound to taking responsibility for said child not only that but it's a dangerous position to be in in general because if it doesn't work out then you don't get anything in return and you've just wasted four years. The reason the child wouldn't be considered the father is because you wouldn't have the automatic rights to child support that the ex spouse does not only that but it's easy to say you don't need help when everything is honky Dorry but as soon as you guys get into a big fight just watch you'll be singing a different tune. You have the concept of marriage screwed up just because of one personal experience you had just because something bad happened to you doesn't mean that marriage doesn't sustain it's intended purpose.

So by your logic if we were married we wouldnt have a 'big fight'? I didnt realize marriage made any differences you have instantly fly out the window. In OPs case her bf was a complete douche bag who is clearly not ready for fatherhood. Not all men are that way. And just because youre not married it doesnt mean youre not stable. We've been together longer then some people I know who were married. And our choice to not get married isnt based on my previous divorce. Its (again) because at this time, we simply dont want to get married. we dont want a court house wedding. My parents got married when I was 3 years old, and are STILL married. Just because you have a baby together doesnt mean you have to rush and get married. And you completely missed what I meant by stating our son binds us. We love each other & were together before our son was born perfectly fine. I was merely saying that we dont need marriage to be connected for life, our son is one of the reasons were bound together. People try to force and push others into marriage, and the more people tell my boyfriend and I that we should be married the less and less we desire to do so. For some reason people think marriage is like a magic wand that makes everything perfect and prevents any break ups. if youre unhappy youre unhappy. nothing is going to prevent you from leaving an unhappy situation.

I'm not saying it makes everything perfect apparently you won't ever understand so im just going to stop. I agree marriage doesnt make bad things go away but i think it makes things fair when things get difficult.

The point is, if you're just boyfriend/girlfriend, if things get a little rough you can up and leave and don't have to work anything out. When you're married you're obligated to try and work things out. It's great that it does work out sometimes if you have a kid and don't get married, but not always.

Youre not obligated to do shit if youre married. The law cant keep you married. People get married then file for divorce hours later. People split up all the time, married, engaged or in a relationship. Just because youre married doesnt mean anything. My boyfriend and I are together because we love each other and our son. We were together for years before our son came and were still together now. His cousin and his wife are married, split up, got back together, broke up again, got back together....and THATS stable? My boyfriend and I got together and havent once broken up. We argue, I wont deny it, but every couple does. But just because youre legally wed doesnt mean crap. If there are issues in a relationship theyre not going to magically disappear upon marriage. Whatever problems you had before you got married are still going to be there after the honeymoon.

dear 194 thank you for your insightful comment but I am not afraid of commitment, people who believe a relationship has no commitment until marriage are scared. The legal complications just shows the perils of combining church and laws really and that should not be allowed. As soon as a birth certificate is signed then that should be used as a legally binding document of parenity. If that means we need a DNA test so its all above board then so be it. Scotland has a rule where any cohabiting couple who has been together for & years gains some of the rights of a married couple. I'm glad to see my country is enlightened when it comes to love.

Well new comer America is different :) and i choose to see marriage as a bond and commitment and it's sad to see how a lot of people in the new generation treat marriage just like people treated "goin steady" in the 50's and alot of other people have watched that careless behavior regarding marriage and they have adopted it and they have used other people's bad experiences as a catalyst for believing that it's ok to have ea live in boyfriend or girlfriend but really there's no security and you're putting yourself in a risky position period when you have a live in boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm not saying marriage makes all your problems go away but im saying it WAS made to last forever but over time it got twisted and contorted because of certain habits people have like leaving someone just because things get "too difficult" the point of marriage was to make a vow to tough things out and be with your partner through thick and thin even when things got difficult.

*cries* oh my gosh.......i wish there were more guys like you out there.