Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner...

By KatieB - 04/04/2012 21:11 - United Kingdom - Newark

Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 606

You deserved it 7 344

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Same thing different taste

By liz1234 - 23/03/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 220

You deserved it 8 138

By mothtal - 03/06/2012 16:13 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 564

You deserved it 2 267

In the heat of the moment

By B - 31/01/2012 20:36 - Netherlands

Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted, "Nice to meet your dad, I hope we didn't look too horny." A few minutes later, he replied, "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 352

You deserved it 9 951

Not now!

By XxDiabolikalXx - 24/08/2010 07:30 - France

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 813

You deserved it 4 327

By Oh God - 24/05/2018 06:00

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 134

You deserved it 1 458

By Anonymous - 22/05/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 586

You deserved it 47 219

Nope out of there

By twintowers - 04/07/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 417

You deserved it 23 273

Dad jokes!

By Chels - 11/05/2011 05:17 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 516

You deserved it 5 325

Priorities

By MacBook - 14/05/2009 19:43 - United States

Today, my dad was in town for a day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dad's slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. In total, we talked for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 023

You deserved it 4 187

By wish.was.single - 25/01/2012 18:33 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn't have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 045

You deserved it 5 684

MrKlutch 1

Thursday 5 April 2012 8:04

Plenty of time

Just_ol_Kole 0

Thursday 5 April 2012 8:11

Apparently your boyfriend's sister isn't the only one hearing those strange zombie noises coming from the bedroom...

Comments

Birdie_Sage 0

Thursday 5 April 2012 11:04

How 'bout talking to your boyfriend for a change, then after dinner you could do whatever you want. DUUUUUUH.

auzz1_pride 9

Thursday 5 April 2012 11:14

it's good that your father isn't too uptight about you having sex. Instead he did the responsible thing and told you not to have a quickie with family members in the house, especially since dinner was nearly ready don't want to come downstairs and your boyfriend smelling of ****.

shinshoku13 19

Thursday 5 April 2012 13:15

A **** is a raped ****** so i hope her boyfriend never smells like ****... Or any guy for that matter

laden_swallow09 34

Thursday 5 April 2012 13:27

Where'd THAT definition come from?

princessmollysue 9

Friday 6 April 2012 4:14

Lol

DaMachk 11

Thursday 5 April 2012 11:31

Stating the truth dad... wins :) You're just FMLing, because he ****-blocked you.

krewer21 1

Thursday 5 April 2012 12:35

Hahaha! Dad was out to make you wince and cringe! That man has an awesome sense of humor!

swedeNix 13

Thursday 5 April 2012 12:38

Haha cool dad:)

luccmon 6

Thursday 5 April 2012 12:59

At least dads got a sense of humor...

lstrawberrycake 12

Thursday 5 April 2012 14:03

Major **** block.

Dracoboxer357 35

Tuesday 10 April 2012 3:00

^ Captain Obvious: General Comment, on Private Parts. ;)

perdix 29

Thursday 5 April 2012 14:13

What your dad meant is that you MAY NOT have a quickie. You could have replied, "With this two-pump chump, I CAN have a quickie and 4-1/2 minutes to shower and get dressed for dinner!"

OhDearBetrayal 25

Thursday 5 April 2012 16:20

Can does not only translate to "are you able to." Sorry for pointing it out but ignorance is a hard thing to look past.

perdix 29

Thursday 5 April 2012 17:22

Ignorance?!?!? "Can" does mean "to be able to" if you are speaking English with any precision. If you are speaking the junked-up language where "literally" is a general intensifier and anything one notch superior to average is "awesome," then I guess you are right -- "can" can mean anything you ******* want it to mean!

OhDearBetrayal 25

Thursday 5 April 2012 17:51

Alright I know when to take that I've made a mistake. This ones yours sir.

perdix 29

Thursday 5 April 2012 20:37

I'm not wrong. There are grammarians who insist that can (to be able) is distinct from may (to be permitted to), even though the modern usage lets them be used interchangeably. The old school way was more clear, and you could easily express different meanings unambiguously. Modern English is literally awesome!