Miscellaneous: Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible... - FML

By ashleyrae - 29/06/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 344

You deserved it 87 205

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Same thing different taste

By parkertownparadise - 16/02/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 185

You deserved it 4 782

Unpleasant

By Anonymous - 13/05/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 102

CLAWS

By Anonymous - 07/06/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 973

You deserved it 416 910

By Christine - 09/05/2009 06:08 - United States

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 000

You deserved it 51 207

By smellsofeggs - 26/11/2009 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 065

You deserved it 8 506

By NaniNarcotic - 16/08/2011 10:17 - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 881

You deserved it 73 485

By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 048

You deserved it 418

By hellphone_fml - 22/11/2018 03:00

Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 912

You deserved it 302

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 463

You deserved it 4 677

By lexigan4 - 29/10/2014 19:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 229

You deserved it 3 743

Next

Top comments

WinterPerfection 3

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:00

What if the spine wasn't flexible?!

FriskyTaco 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:01

he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??

Comments

MooreB 0

Friday 27 January 2012 1:56

I've read this one quite a few times and it still cracks me up!

Alex_5647 2

Sunday 11 March 2012 5:32

Are you retarded?

ChaosOfDarkness 0

Saturday 2 June 2012 5:04

Ur a ******* dumbass.

Mahtari 19

Saturday 7 July 2012 13:08

You don't **** with ferrets. They're evil.

Attica 20

Monday 23 July 2012 9:12

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?

mandyk5918 12

Tuesday 2 October 2012 12:05

Omg you are so mean!!

bigmomma0701 5

Wednesday 27 March 2013 5:22

Oh wow! That's too funny :-)

teentee401 36

Tuesday 7 May 2013 12:33

YDI for bending a ferret! Do you go around bending gymnasts too?

AliciaMeow 12

Saturday 25 May 2013 0:49

Way to **** up the ferret's trust. I had a ferret, and it took about 3 months for him to let me even hold him for a decent amount of time. If they get used to you, you can do anything with them. I'd bend over so the ferret and I were both upside as a game. It really excited him.

danaharrison 5

Saturday 8 June 2013 17:02

Its not a ******* toy... Wow, people should not be allowed to own animals.

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Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 319

You deserved it 27 267

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