Kids: Today, my cousin taught me how to make dinner. My cousin is in...

By Anonymous - 10/06/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, my cousin taught me how to make dinner. My cousin is in first grade and I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 502

You deserved it 41 188

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Impossible relationship

By Anonymous - 05/11/2019 16:30

Today, I had another dinner with the girl that I started dating a few weeks ago. During dinner, we talked about our families. We realized that we're actually cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 919

You deserved it 209

Epipen time!

By Anonymous - 17/08/2010 17:06 - Canada

Today, my aunt asked me to babysit my cousin. She gave me a warning that he says he's allergic to foods to get out of eating them. When I brought out my homemade cooking, he told me he was allergic, so I made him eat it anyway. Turns out he WAS allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 980

You deserved it 13 267

Good old gender stereotypes

By Brian - 05/11/2020 13:59 - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, I couldn't open a jar of mayo and my cousin had to open it for me. She's a 16 year-old girl and I'm a 24 year-old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 805

Speak for yourself

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 12:00

Today, I was at a fancy family dinner. The dish I'd made was served, and as we ate, I told my aunt that I was a total failure as a cook, explaining everything wrong about my dish, in painful detail. Apparently we'd both made the same dish. That one wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 1 656

By Anonymous - 22/06/2019 18:02

Today, I offered to help my mother-in-law boil noodles for some noodle soup. She loudly said, "You know how!?" I'm a chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 142

By jellybean_94 - 15/08/2009 04:33 - Canada

Today, I found out that my parents are first cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 434

You deserved it 7 372

By Murphy - 26/08/2018 03:30

Today, I bought ingredients for one of my favorite meals and went home to take a nap. When I woke up, my sister had cooked them for everyone else in the house, who ate it all without me. I was told that I shouldn't be angry, but instead proud of my adult sister because, "She cooked!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 070

You deserved it 234

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 20:47 - Canada

Today, my kids told me that for the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 216

You deserved it 8 420

By eww - 13/06/2012 06:13 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 883

You deserved it 2 608

By babybambi - 29/12/2018 02:00

Today, I got food poisoning for the first time after cooking. Yesterday, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 381

You deserved it 289

Big_Red_138 3

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:26

I'm in college too. Ramen ftw!!

Darcon 8

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:26

Noob.

Comments

limegreenninja17 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 3:44

Fail.

999pun999 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 4:30

theres such a thing as boiling water and tossing in your favorite veggies, just buy some beef broth!

sblhaine 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 20:12

awwww thats cute

bootzilla_fml 0

Monday 13 June 2011 6:17

you throwing your money away your still stupid go ahead drop out your not going no where

hurray4jmk 1

Monday 13 June 2011 14:01

Thats what you get for sucking.

rj6 0

Tuesday 14 June 2011 8:14

that's a child prodigy right there

Breebabeyy 9

Tuesday 14 June 2011 21:48

you should have asked ur mom to help you or buy a cookbook

Raxus89 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 5:50

did he teach u how to make cereal

bigray61 2

Saturday 25 June 2011 21:44

did he teach you how to toss a salad??

martyslurpee18 0

Sunday 26 June 2011 0:40

hah

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 18

Today, my boyfriend talked me into wearing vibrating underwear in public and of course we bumped into my mom shopping, and of course he chose that moment to turn them on with the remote. The vibrating was way louder than we were expecting, and my mom just walked away shaking her head at us. FML

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The Top

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You deserved it 2 288

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I agree, your life sucks 38 677

You deserved it 2 173

Today, I decided to take a personal day from class and e-mailed all of my profs saying I had flu symptoms. While standing in line at Starbucks later, someone behind me says "Glad you're feeling better. Hope you can attend class tomorrow, we'll discuss lying." It was my Ethics professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 865

You deserved it 59 577

Today, I asked my wife for a threesome to spice up our sex life. Her exact response to me was, “The only threesome we should be having is between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.” I'll take that as a “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 1 967

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I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 475

Today, my doctor told me the severe hearing damage from my car accident is permanent. I just graduated with a degree for Interpreting and Translating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 132