Miscellaneous: Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs... - FML

By No one special. - 12/12/2010 05:28 - United States

Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs someone to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 497

You deserved it 2 433

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/06/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, my dad told me he has money set aside for when he has to bail me out of jail, because "it's bound to happen sooner or later." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 647

You deserved it 10 769

By CaptainByron - 28/04/2017 00:00

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 383

You deserved it 313

By fox_at_heart - 30/09/2016 02:21 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out my father has been saving money to help me buy my first car. In the same conversation, I found out my mother, unbeknownst to my dad, used nearly all of the money to bail my drunken, deadbeat uncle out of jail for the fourth time a month ago. He's now back in prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 912

You deserved it 779

By hatetodisappoint - 21/10/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I called my very overprotective father, and he took the time to tell me how proud he was of me for finally finding a good and respectable boyfriend. And that he was sorry he misjudged. I was calling for bail money to get my "good, respectable" boyfriend out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 300

You deserved it 40 141

By ~__~ - 20/03/2015 21:23

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 660

You deserved it 2 462

By chiktikka - 14/01/2014 22:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad asked me to lend him some money to buy his medication, since he's all but broke right now. He returned with nothing but a bottle of tequila. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 130

You deserved it 8 420

Bad boys bad boys

By addie - 03/03/2013 08:27 - United States

Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 241

You deserved it 3 077

Far out, man

By shroomda - 29/06/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I called my dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell phone number was. She then informed me that our dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 245

You deserved it 3 407

Good to hear from you

By Anonymous - 25/02/2013 19:26 - United States - Grandville

Today, I heard from my dad for the first time in over six months. It was through Facebook, in a message blaming my brothers and me for his horrible life, and in which he spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 517

You deserved it 2 514

By Anonymous - 02/12/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 052

You deserved it 2 719

Next

Top comments

Mirorbo 26

Sunday 12 December 2010 12:31

Please tell me you didn't do it...sounds like a deadbeat father to me, darling.

pdp_fml 21

Sunday 12 December 2010 12:31

I believe that your life sucks. We can't choose who our fathers are. I hope that your life works out.

Comments

perdix 29

Sunday 12 December 2010 14:50

Are you going to be a whiny little bitch about not talking to your dad for six months, or are you going to spring him, so he doesn't get corn-holed in the slammer? Time's a-wasting! The longer you screw around, the better your dad's butt look to the predators who think frail, old dudes are easy picking.

AAShah 0

Sunday 12 December 2010 16:36

LMFAO. You're the best. :)

valri3 0

Sunday 12 December 2010 15:04

Thing is are you going to bail him out? If you are then that would be a true FML.

mylifesucksserio 15

Sunday 12 December 2010 15:10

yeh that really is kind sad

califbob 3

Sunday 12 December 2010 15:37

That's the seventeenth time he's been arrested for lewd acts with a canteloupe.

rattusrattus 18

Sunday 12 December 2010 15:39

The mind boggles, truely. One would think parsnips or bicycles would be better suited to that purpose.

skatingalyy 0

Sunday 12 December 2010 15:41

I hope u didn't do it...

Rdrgz 0

Sunday 12 December 2010 17:46

seems like its his life that sucks..with yours having sucky elements to it thanks to your Dad and the sucky life hes created for himself. Glad youre doing well enough to afford to bail him out of jail despite the poor parenting you had to overcome. be proud of yourself not down on yourself

ThreeSheetsGone 12

Sunday 12 December 2010 17:54

It's illegal to perform oral sex on a street corner. Let him sit and think about what he's done. And since when is it illegal to perform lewd, lucivious acts on a canteloupe? Shit, I'm in trouble...

2lollymolly2 0

Sunday 12 December 2010 19:15

doont do it.

tttiffany 0

Sunday 12 December 2010 19:47

I would tell him 'HMM, maybe I'll wait a few months to bail you out!' what an asshole!

ghbetuehe 0

Sunday 12 December 2010 22:39

Dad," Hi...I'm in jail, bail me out? Pretty Please?" You," No, bail your own ass out of jail." *Hang up*

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I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 1 034

Today, while sitting at a table in a coffee shop, I overheard someone on the next table talking about their horrible boss. I joined in, complaining about mine, and going into great detail about what an arsehole he can be. Turns out, I was talking to my boss's sister. FML

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You deserved it 652

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 36 281

You deserved it 4 015

Today, I'm visiting my wife's home country for the first time. To avoid the spicy street food, I bought something labelled "Fruit salad" from a street vendor. I didn't know even Pakistani fruit salad can be very spicy too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 944

You deserved it 362

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I agree, your life sucks 3 329

You deserved it 470

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I agree, your life sucks 4 218

You deserved it 299

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I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 105

Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 576

You deserved it 19 404