Miscellaneous: Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned...

By gotmilk? - 22/09/2015 13:41 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 660

You deserved it 1 848

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By I don't know, son - 16/11/2013 01:53 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 846

You deserved it 4 781

By Anonymous - 21/03/2014 22:35 - Australia

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 895

You deserved it 6 751

By LuckySperm - 12/08/2011 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 422

You deserved it 3 137

By princessj - 16/10/2010 05:50 - United States

Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 881

You deserved it 6 150

By squeltorey - 03/08/2012 19:28 - United States - Whittier

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 821

You deserved it 11 172

By verycre8tive - 21/05/2009 07:31 - Romania

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 628

You deserved it 2 728

By fack - 26/11/2013 18:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 546

You deserved it 10 181

Thanks for nothing

By Anonymous - 12/08/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 953

You deserved it 4 546

What the hell did you do?

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 07:01 - United States - Steele

Today, while at a family reunion, my parents kept bringing up horrible things I did when I was about 4-6 years-old that I've been trying to forget for decades. After a while, I just stormed out. When I came back in the room, my dad had the nerve to ask me why I left and why I wasn't talking to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 155

By 2ndgenoration - 17/05/2014 21:56 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 662

You deserved it 4 209

SadLittleTurtle 11

Wednesday 23 September 2015 1:58

That's udderly hilarious.

cutycat136 28

Wednesday 23 September 2015 2:06

At least you know he won't lie to you

Comments

Mechenry 10

Wednesday 23 September 2015 3:43

It's a good story though. You should milk it for all it's worth OP.

heartofhannah 28

Wednesday 23 September 2015 4:34

No.

sailorarctic 22

Wednesday 23 September 2015 5:38

of course, this fml is from Florida

trucker2 33

Wednesday 23 September 2015 7:15

And wtf does that mean.... Nothing

kylerzz 15

Wednesday 23 September 2015 6:40

that's ****** up im sorry OP. /:

GrumpyGrinch 23

Wednesday 23 September 2015 10:16

Nothing wrong in getting milk straight from the natural source. Lots of country kids do that. With a calm cow no problems. And are more healthy than those city brats who only know milk comes from a sterilised bottle which grows on a shelf in supermarket.

TopiaryOwl 18

Thursday 24 September 2015 1:56

Who is supposed to suck on a cow's udder? A baby cow. Are you a baby cow? No. So don't suck on a cow's udder, or get a person or machine to do it for you.

OhGawdMyEyes 9

Wednesday 23 September 2015 12:09

That's a really crappy thing for him to say, OP. I'm sure that even if you were an accident he still loves you very much and wouldn't give you back if he had the choice.

Kaylyn15 23

Wednesday 23 September 2015 14:45

Usually they are pretty calm but there's always a few in every bunch that are really jumpy/kicky...and there's always a couple that insist on laying in their poop instead of the fresh clean straw...