So pull out the biggest most complicated insult word you can muster and tell them it's a compliment. See if you can start getting them to use it to describe themselves.

Everything is bigger in Texas!

Cause you live in the south

It seems like your family is a couple of extremely cumbersome tentacles...

Luckily for me most of my family doesn't speak english.

Is it sad I can relate to this? I don't really use big words as much but if I do the slightest thing wrong, my mother calls me 'stupid'. My father is usually nice and approachable but whenever my mother does this, he sides with her. Like most parents do, they always talk about each little mistake I do at every event/gathering/party that I'm actually brought to the point of tears where I lose the will to live. I don't understand it, if parents want a better child, why don't they raise theirs like a better parent?

From Texas, I can believe that

My family does the same, so I definitely feel you there.

I can't help but read this in an obvious hick accent. Seriously, though, they should learn better words.

that was cruel of them. sorry op :(