Miscellaneous: Today, my father started drinking a little early. At some point,...

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By francesa_loca - 14/10/2011 16:09 - Canada

Today, my father started drinking a little early. At some point, he got hungry and decided to boil eggs. He started a dozen, drank some more, and passed out on the couch. When I came home, all the water had boiled off and the eggs had exploded all over the kitchen. I'm still cleaning up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 980

You deserved it 2 527

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Same thing different taste

By inalotofpain - 16/04/2011 12:46 - United States

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 487

You deserved it 3 921

Boom!

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 114

No yolk

By eggonmiface - 01/07/2018 15:00

Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 441

You deserved it 508

Don't drink and DIY

By bob the builders pissed off daughter - 29/12/2015 23:52 - United States - Campbell

Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 057

You deserved it 1 407

Heart of Glass

By blahblahblah - 15/04/2020 20:00

Today, I was sitting on a stool by the stove while my dad was making stir-fry. The glass lid he had covering the skillet overheated and exploded. As huge shards of broken glass rained down on his only daughter's head, my dad's only concern was whether or not he would have to throw his food away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 225

By squeltorey - 03/08/2012 19:28 - United States - Whittier

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 828

You deserved it 11 181

Backfire

By Anonymous - 14/07/2012 20:10 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 175

You deserved it 54 777

By Todd - 14/08/2012 16:14 - United States

Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 824

You deserved it 1 980

By Laura - 11/03/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 577

You deserved it 4 608

Skittish

By Anonymous - 18/07/2023 22:00 - Netherlands - Hardenberg

Today, my dad came home and wanted to grab a glass. It wasn't in direct sight so he slammed the cupboard door so hard, I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 187

Bobissmall 13

Friday 14 October 2011 21:27

Was it an explosion? BRING ON THE THUMBS DOWN.

thisisafunnyname 12

Friday 14 October 2011 22:47

Why would you get thumbed down? That was quite an eggcelent pun.

Comments

redsfan 4

Saturday 15 October 2011 2:02

My dad would to the same exact thing except he would leave a pizza in the oven over night...

j_ortiz27 7

Saturday 15 October 2011 2:17

Fy dads life. The man didn't get to eat eggs.

Rabidkid 14

Saturday 15 October 2011 2:30

He burned water! A new chemical genius!

Sargasm 4

Saturday 15 October 2011 2:53

Does he also claim to be allergic to peanuts?

hrun200 0

Saturday 15 October 2011 2:55

You're actually really lucky. My neighbor left some eggs on the stove by accident when he was in a rush and his house burned down.

mikagesouji 0

Saturday 15 October 2011 3:19

**** having children! Then, you can drink as much as you want, pass out on the couch with a dozen eggs boiling on the stove, and die in peace (assuming your kitchen is ultimately set on fire, thus burning down your own house with your lousy alcoholic self inside). Or, alternately, wake up to the mess OP found and have to clean it all by yourself. =)

Okayitwasme 0

Saturday 15 October 2011 5:02

My son decided to pop popcorn in the microwave with a plastic food cover still in side. He thought it was to put food on & not for covering food from splattering! The house stunk like burnt plastic popcorn for a week!

CyonideCyns 0

Saturday 15 October 2011 7:43

At least he didn't take all of your possessions and furniture apart and put it all in the backyard. Then again, you didn't salt his coffe, did you? But seriously, I wouldn't clean that shit up by myself, I'd make him get up and help me.