Miscellaneous: Today, my father started drinking a little early. At some point,...

By francesa_loca - 14/10/2011 16:09 - Canada

Today, my father started drinking a little early. At some point, he got hungry and decided to boil eggs. He started a dozen, drank some more, and passed out on the couch. When I came home, all the water had boiled off and the eggs had exploded all over the kitchen. I'm still cleaning up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 966

You deserved it 2 524

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Same thing different taste

By inalotofpain - 16/04/2011 12:46 - United States

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 477

You deserved it 3 920

Boom!

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 113

No yolk

By eggonmiface - 01/07/2018 15:00

Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 437

You deserved it 505

Don't drink and DIY

By bob the builders pissed off daughter - 29/12/2015 23:52 - United States - Campbell

Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 045

You deserved it 1 403

Heart of Glass

By blahblahblah - 15/04/2020 20:00

Today, I was sitting on a stool by the stove while my dad was making stir-fry. The glass lid he had covering the skillet overheated and exploded. As huge shards of broken glass rained down on his only daughter's head, my dad's only concern was whether or not he would have to throw his food away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 222

By squeltorey - 03/08/2012 19:28 - United States - Whittier

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 822

You deserved it 11 172

Backfire

By Anonymous - 14/07/2012 20:10 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 175

You deserved it 54 765

By Todd - 14/08/2012 16:14 - United States

Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 814

You deserved it 1 976

By Laura - 11/03/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 568

You deserved it 4 607

Skittish

By Anonymous - 18/07/2023 22:00 - Netherlands - Hardenberg

Today, my dad came home and wanted to grab a glass. It wasn't in direct sight so he slammed the cupboard door so hard, I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 175

Bobissmall 13

Friday 14 October 2011 21:27

Was it an explosion? BRING ON THE THUMBS DOWN.

thisisafunnyname 12

Friday 14 October 2011 22:47

Why would you get thumbed down? That was quite an eggcelent pun.

Comments

hateevryone 14

Friday 14 October 2011 22:48

i would wake his ass up and make him help. hangover be damned.

LadyLexi 0

Friday 14 October 2011 22:56

I would make more eggs and throw it in his face while it's still cooking.

sydneyhaha 4

Friday 14 October 2011 23:31

Well if he got laid it was a success

terminator689 0

Friday 14 October 2011 23:33

Thank god the house wasn't on fire!

False_Stupidity 41

Saturday 15 October 2011 17:25

I love gold member :)

interexntsc 12

Friday 14 October 2011 23:37

YDI for cleaning up the mess.

bloomspetals 0

Friday 14 October 2011 23:48

lay all of the mess directly around him so that he will literally wake up on egg shells.

ricinator 11

Saturday 15 October 2011 2:24

around and on are two completely different prepositions...

CyonideCyns 0

Saturday 15 October 2011 7:49

Not a bad idea, except for the on part, how would you manage that

SockMonkey333 0

Saturday 15 October 2011 0:17

Your not still cleaning it up because your too busy writing it on FML

CrazyManNo9 29

Saturday 15 October 2011 0:23

I did this when I was a teenager only I came home for work at 11pm then seeing my girl until 3am. And, I didn't drink. (Okay, I mean THEN not NOW!) Gawd did that stink and the rents were not pleased! LMAO