Health: Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself.... - FML

By Mel - 07/05/2011 22:27 - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 972

You deserved it 12 963

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Bianka05 - 19/07/2017 20:00

Today, after being on vacation for a week, my alarm sounded early in the morning. It scared me so badly I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 992

You deserved it 962

By YoshiSqu4d - 03/07/2019 14:01

Today, someone tripped the fire alarm at the hotel I'm currently staying at while I was taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 113

No smoke, no fire

By justme - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 001

You deserved it 5 276

By wookieewhosshe - 19/03/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 125

You deserved it 397

By Drill Drilled - 15/04/2015 22:12 - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 418

You deserved it 3 979

Wardrobe change please

By Meagan Ortiz - 16/08/2020 23:02

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 260

By wellhellothere - 17/04/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm. Not only was it 30 degrees outside, but I was in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 984

You deserved it 3 319

Self-own

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 08:01

Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 136

Oh dear…

By Wet Britches - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, on my rush to get home from work to use the bathroom, I hit a deer. It startled me so badly that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 037

You deserved it 1 732

By esoog - 19/05/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 525

You deserved it 48 400

Next

Top comments

allmidnighteyes 10

Sunday 8 May 2011 1:15

No, **** you. Those jokes are neither clever nor funny. Eat a bowl of dicks.

DocBastard 38

Sunday 8 May 2011 1:18

The big question here is why is your anus so ******* weak? Maybe you should have gone with the small Anal Intruder 3000 rather than the Every1luvsboners Grande size.

Comments

ledara111 0

Monday 9 May 2011 7:39

the real question is, did you freeze it and have shitsiclez?

ZanePhilip 0

Monday 9 May 2011 8:04

Ah, Man that must suck. Well It happens to people every now and then...That sucks Dude.

luckoirish14 6

Monday 9 May 2011 15:02

3 months... what are u 10? 6 month at the earliest better to wait a year

sparty12 2

Monday 9 May 2011 17:02

yea those fu***rs are annnoying...

cheerchick2011 0

Monday 9 May 2011 20:18

im calling bull shit.

cca4 0

Monday 9 May 2011 23:40

that was hilarious.

x143iloveyoux 0

Tuesday 10 May 2011 4:20

sharted..(:

familyguy11 0

Tuesday 10 May 2011 4:48

it could be worse what if your wife or girlfriend was next to you

tanner3317 0

Tuesday 10 May 2011 4:49

hahaha that's awesome. one time I was in my barracks and the drill bomb alarm went off. the guy in the top bunk got scared and shot all over my clean laundry stack o re floor

Dudemanx88 0

Tuesday 10 May 2011 5:34

FAIL!

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The Top

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 318

You deserved it 9 464

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him "Meow" over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin, and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 634

You deserved it 68 714

The Top

Today, I finished booking the non-refundable cruise for my wife and I to the Bahamas. I did this after confirming once again that my mother could take care of our son while we're away. An hour after I paid, she called back saying she mistook the dates and can't do it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 148

You deserved it 2 658

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 652

You deserved it 16 124

Today, my parents took away my laptop, TV, Xbox, and car all because I broke up with my girlfriend. They said when I patch things up with her, I can have my stuff back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 612

You deserved it 5 359

Today, I thought I'd take advantage of the lovely weather and sunbake topless in my grandmother's back yard. My grandma went up the street to do some shopping and didn’t tell me that men were coming to mow the lawn. I was laying on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 755

You deserved it 2 003

Today, I was sitting on my balcony reading a book. My upstairs neighbors thought that would be a good time to water their flowers. I'm now drenched in water, as is my book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 947

You deserved it 3 840

Today, at a strategy session, my manager displayed a flowchart of his employees. I wasn't included. Apparently I had been fired and they forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 768

You deserved it 2 452