Work: Today, my friend joked to my co-workers that my kitty-cat of...

By iLuvsIt - 06/11/2012 09:32 - Australia - Belmont

Today, my friend joked to my co-workers that my kitty-cat of a husband was going to beat me for spending $200 on shoes. Later on, my rather large dog was so excited to see me when I walked in the door, he split my lip. Somehow, I don't think they'll believe me when I get to the office tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 809

You deserved it 3 291

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Same thing different taste

Suspect

By Anonymous - 12/02/2024 14:00

Today, I had to explain to yet another HR manager that no, my bruises, scratches, and scars do not mean I’m lying about being in an abusive marriage, it just means I’m a Muay Thai fighter who owns a cat who is a moody, scratchy little bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 136

By thewrittenrebel - 28/10/2014 07:40 - South Africa - Bellville

Today, my boss asked about the mass of deep scratches on my arm. I lied and told him it happened while I was trying to save my cat from a tree. Truth is, my cat is a sadistic asshole who stalks me and mauls me whenever he can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 369

You deserved it 5 891

By xxx - 03/09/2017 04:29

Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 671

You deserved it 531

By Anonymous - 05/08/2013 21:36 - Sweden - Falun

Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 719

You deserved it 7 330

By DHarman - 25/05/2010 23:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 641

You deserved it 4 071

NEVER JOKE ABOUT FLUFFY

By Sheepiebeepie - 11/08/2017 04:30

Today, at the end of a 15 hour shift, my girlfriend and her friends played a "prank" on me by texting me from a random number saying my cat got hit by a car. I immediately burst into tears and lost it in front of my colleagues. My cat is fine. My relationship is the real joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 146

You deserved it 455

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 00:53 - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 620

You deserved it 36 079

Pure evil

By Anonymous - 04/09/2023 11:30 - United States - Greenville

Today, I got a call at work. My cat somehow managed to lock my boyfriend and dog out of the house. The rental manager charged us $25 to open the door. The cat seems quite pleased with herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 194

Bad boy

By DogBeater - 21/06/2016 01:21 - United States

Today, I've just moved into a new apartment. It's also the day my big baby of a dog stepped on a rock and began yelping when I tried to touch his paw. He "suddenly" felt better after I carried him inside. Now everyone thinks I'm beating my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 078

You deserved it 854

By good husband - 30/04/2013 16:03 - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 854

You deserved it 4 625

ebonyirony 29

Tuesday 6 November 2012 18:53

200 for shoes is ridiculous for me. most I spent was 40.

christyxbee 15

Tuesday 6 November 2012 18:52

Dog-Gone it! Hope you feel better soon OP!

Comments

KaiserSD 8

Tuesday 6 November 2012 21:16

Your husband has an FML for letting you walk all over him and buying $200 worth of shitty shoes. I feel bad for him.

chippa 24

Tuesday 6 November 2012 22:05

She works and you don't know what their budget is.

PaperUmbrellas 4

Tuesday 6 November 2012 22:23

Quite the assumption to say they're shitty. Maybe she needed custom shoes for running, or is in a type of job where dressing expensively is almost a requirement. Personally, I spend that much on shoes once in a few years. I'm picky, so when I find a style I like, I buy 5 or 6 pairs at once.

ben827 10

Tuesday 6 November 2012 21:48

Wait, you're married to a pussy? Get it? Guys...? No...okay *goes into hiding*

maddygirl820 10

Tuesday 6 November 2012 21:55

Oh the possibilities…

maddygirl820 10

Tuesday 6 November 2012 21:55

Oh the possibilities…

Guilty21 3

Tuesday 6 November 2012 22:20

I had to read it a couple times because at first glance, it sounded like your husband hit you.

GUNN1313 3

Tuesday 6 November 2012 23:43

My wife's collage professors refuse to believe my wife that I don't beat her and have told her if she comes in one more time with bruises they are going to call the cops on me. My wide is a vet tech and spends all day restraining animals and I'm a firearms trainer and would have lots of legal problems from these false accusations so I feel your pain

Bright_Lights 14

Tuesday 6 November 2012 23:53

Everyone who's whining '$200 is expensive for a pair of shoes' blah blah blah, obviously none of you understand the fashion world. Haute couture is expensive; staying fashionable is expensive; designer brands are expensive. I would drop $200, $2000, $20,000, whatever - if it was something I liked.