Miscellaneous: Today, my friend snuck up on me and yelled, "Gotcha!" I screamed...

By kitchencrime - 28/08/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, my friend snuck up on me and yelled, "Gotcha!" I screamed and dropped a gallon of blood-red paint on my new, white kitchen floor. Now it looks like I've murdered someone in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 806

You deserved it 4 494

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
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Same thing different taste

By RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) - 17/12/2014 18:47 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 891

You deserved it 6 637

By fuuu. - 19/03/2012 12:39 - Hong Kong

Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 255

You deserved it 2 579

By N O - 27/05/2014 18:47 - Canada - Granton

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 387

You deserved it 6 967

Steady on

By Anonymous - 20/10/2023 07:00 - Canada

Today, I found out the hard way that you shouldn't try to open a can of paint with a screwdriver. The lid flew off, and my kitchen floor now looks like an abstract art painting, which I could probably call, "Various blue splodges on wood canvas." FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 582

Spooky

By Scaredwitless - 28/01/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 915

You deserved it 6 020

You're grounded!

By Break A Leg - 08/08/2022 14:00

Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 138

Remodeling

By Spelit - 13/08/2010 19:45 - United States

Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 015

You deserved it 13 620

Panic!

By Bleach dat Blood - 20/07/2015 03:02

Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 119

You deserved it 3 813

Silly idiot

By Heather - 04/03/2010 12:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it, and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 243

You deserved it 3 695

By Iwtumn - 17/03/2015 16:52 - Austria

Today, I came home from a crazy costume party and took a hot shower. When I opened my eyes and saw the water running from my head was bloody, I freaked out and called my friend for help. She had to remind me that for the party, I'd coloured my hair red with washable hair dye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 669

You deserved it 17 299

StrawberryPiez_ 0

Friday 28 August 2009 16:21

why the hell do you have blood red paint for anyways,? fyl

haleyneal 0

Sunday 17 June 2012 18:12

probably to paint the walls *sarcastic tone*

Comments

xoconnie 8

Friday 28 August 2009 17:19

uhmm first off why would u be carrying a bucket of red paint over ur new floors. thats retarded...

timtam24 0

Friday 28 August 2009 17:29

House must getting renovated or something OP was in the middle of transporting said paint, then OP's friend, who was most probably helping out, scared OP, OP drops paint it goes everywhere, friend feels bad and has to pay to fix it.

screwtaylor 0

Friday 28 August 2009 17:37

To paint your new walls. Duh. And, before you call something retarded you should learn how to type.

jonny2x4 0

Friday 28 August 2009 17:29

Kill your friend to makes things more consistent.

blah123blah 0

Friday 28 August 2009 17:30

That basterd. At least now you can really murder your friend in your kitchen and get away with it.

LuluKazoo 0

Friday 28 August 2009 17:31

Congratulations, you now have the awesomest kitchen ever.

hahathatsux 0

Friday 28 August 2009 18:02

i'm not sure why this is any FML cuz that sounds like your kitchen looks awesome now.....at least way better than plain white marble at any rate i'm gonna say YDI for opening the bucket before you needed to

scel92 0

Friday 28 August 2009 18:11

Yes, she deserves it, because you, oh most wondrous, are always completely prepared to have someone come and startle you when you're doing housework. Always thinking ahead. And you, the omniscient, also seem to know that she had not, in fact, been using the paint elsewhere to paint another area first, before having to move across the kitchen. Glad to know we have wonderful people such as yourself in the world.

aut0m0b1l3 0

Friday 28 August 2009 18:17

at least you can make some interesting stories out of it for new guests (:

SimpleSimon 0

Friday 28 August 2009 18:27

Why the **** would you not just clean it up straight away? Get the bulk of it up then if there's any staining you can clean it easy, you can't hurt stone. Also, why were you handling an open paint can in the kitchen anyway?

ScaryyMary 14

Friday 28 August 2009 18:28

That's not an FML! That's an MLIA!

iwadasn 32

Friday 28 August 2009 23:52

Seriously? You think this happens all the time? You must know some really strange people...

beastio 0

Friday 28 August 2009 18:29

Use the opportunity to your advantage and kill your friend :P

someotherbitch 0

Friday 28 August 2009 18:32

seriously thats awesome! you should so leave it! i had my bedroom done all in white so i could splash blood red paint all over it so it would look like a murder scene! you have to keep it! it makes a great conversation starter!