Intimacy: Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at...

By notinflammable - 27/06/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 370

You deserved it 127 939

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Same thing different taste

By FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/05/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 215

You deserved it 14 890

By ilovesocks - 20/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 962

You deserved it 6 455

It's getting hot in here…

By pmek - 26/03/2012 09:11 - Australia - Collingwood

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 480

You deserved it 3 302

What? Why?

By Anonymous - 16/07/2024 05:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 1 072

She's electric

By nnniii - 16/11/2015 04:55 - United States - Seattle

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 499

You deserved it 5 324

Love is love

By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 471

You deserved it 106 819

By blocked_by_fire - 17/04/2012 18:13 - United States - Pullman

Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 742

You deserved it 4 519

By batsu - 27/01/2012 06:48 - Canada

Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 972

You deserved it 66 803

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 978

You deserved it 50 602

Testing, testing

By BubbaYoshi117 - 07/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 1 284

Shock98 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:21

why on earth did you think this was a good idea in the first place?

marrajane 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:23

You know that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing right? Inflammable things catch fire???

Comments

mrnicety 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 17:24

...so it was inflammable then, yes? as was the sock you should probably go die so the world doesn't have to suffer you any more

smithersss 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 3:30

LOL at the last sentence

lillian_mcgee 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 17:25

inflammable means flammable, jesus christ.

iSmellNice 2

Saturday 27 June 2009 17:31

Learn how to extinguish a fire.

sparrowsong 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 17:47

you're retarded

piddly_03 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 17:49

regardless if the seman was flammable or non-flammable, the sock obviously is, so that kind of ruins the experiment. you probably just set the sock on fire.

SamSJester 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 18:02

Stole my comment... There are so many things wrong with this FML though. Logic is clearly not the OP's strong suit. Possibly not english either...

piddly_03 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 3:52

haha very true. what was your first clue? that he waved a flaming sock in the air to put it out...

swimdudeno1 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 18:03

Inflammable means able to catch on fire. But a sock can catch on fire. Fool.

thereitgo 1

Saturday 27 June 2009 18:10

lmao imagining this scenario is great. just seeing some naked guy holding a lit sock and flinging it around, semen apparently splashing outward from it everywhere staining everything and possibly getting him in the eye. hahaha.

greenrapsody 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 18:15

"inflammable" means it can be lit on fire...

that_one_dude 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 18:21

Now when someone uses a blacklight on your room, you can explain why.

lololol111 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 18:21

you are really ******* dumb inflammable means it can catch on fire waving it around is going to get it MORE caught on fire, stomping on it is how you put the fire out.