Intimacy: Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going... - FML

By rejected - 23/04/2009 04:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 181

You deserved it 79 403

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Same thing different taste

By 0ptimu5 - 11/09/2009 04:39 - Australia

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 695

You deserved it 43 471

Misleading

By KL. - 05/06/2009 19:46 - Canada

Today, I was at a club with a friend. A cute guy kept smiling and looking over at me. He left his seat and went to the bar and brought back two drinks. He waved me over and then said, "Can you tell your hot friend that I bought her a drink?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 503

You deserved it 5 016

Reality check

By DerrickUhl - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Napa

Today, I finally turned 21, so my friends and I decided to go to a club. There, I met this hot waitress and we were really hitting it off. I ordered a drink. She replied, "No problem, kiddo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 127

You deserved it 7 184

By Anonymous - 01/12/2012 00:31 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 189

You deserved it 21 640

Cheers

By ineedanotherdrink - 07/08/2009 09:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went out drinking with a friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, she said, "Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?" Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy by the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 845

You deserved it 5 541

Awww, my feefees

By Erick - 11/05/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 274

By hihipanda - 30/08/2009 12:58 - Singapore

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 521

You deserved it 3 332

Fishing

By notgoth - 27/07/2014 22:17 - Netherlands - Rijen

Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 650

You deserved it 8 435

By jailey - 26/07/2016 02:26

Today, my friend decided that we should go clubbing together to "catch up". Her version of catching up is me standing beside her making out with some random dude in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 647

You deserved it 1 290

Pleased to meet you

By footinmouth - 13/09/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 007

You deserved it 14 098

Next

Top comments

Jimboom 11

Thursday 23 April 2009 12:15

You tried to use a cheesy pickup line and you got shot down. Oh yea stud, FYL indeed.

danza_fml 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 12:09

This just made my day :)

Comments

ItsMeDiegoG 8

Monday 10 March 2014 2:08

What kind of shitty pick up line is that?

mylonius 19

Tuesday 22 March 2016 7:09

SAVAGE

Keywords

Awkward Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Health Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money Relatable Parenting Kids DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, a slightly older guy friend of mine told me that he thinks of me as a little sister. Immediately afterwards, he tried to make out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 78

Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 878

You deserved it 2 095

The Top

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 307

You deserved it 3 278

Today, I’m living out of a suitcase this week, so that my ex-boyfriend, who moved across the country and was going to stay with me for a little while, can quarantine in my house with his girlfriend, who I requested wasn’t in my house in the first place. They didn’t ask, just decided while I wasn’t home that it was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 430

Today, my daughter would rather make payments on a payment plan for a $2000 Gucci purse, yet she refuses to move out and get a place on her own, or chip in for rent. She’s 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 1 149

Today, my husband and I put our 9 month old twins to bed and went outside to enjoy a very rare few minutes with each other, a couple of beers, with a baby monitor. He shut the sliding glass door, and I watched the bar that locks it accidentally slide into locked position. All the other doors were locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 790

You deserved it 8 364

Today, at work, the girl I've been into for the past 6 months confessed that she liked me, but also confessed she had sex with our boss. Our boss happens to be my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 751

You deserved it 1 844

Today, I was closing the deal on this beautiful $200k ranch in the country. The buyer soon pulls up and we get to discussing the contract terms, soon the buyer asks the seller," Wow why is this house going so cheap?" The seller replies, "Do you believe in ghosts?" There goes my $8,000 commission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 490

You deserved it 5 638