Intimacy: Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey"...

By hoovered - 04/03/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 062

You deserved it 22 457

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Same thing different taste

By allalone - 14/07/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 328

You deserved it 45 470

By anonymous - 04/10/2017 20:51

Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 495

You deserved it 431

By tkrause - 01/04/2013 17:17 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 453

You deserved it 4 168

By IloveJapan - 02/04/2012 14:02 - Japan

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 446

You deserved it 10 161

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 016

You deserved it 7 503

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 401

You deserved it 37 703

Admission time

By peeoncarl1111 - 29/01/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 486

You deserved it 120 583

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 071

You deserved it 5 417

By Anonymous - 30/07/2012 06:41 - United States - Centralia

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 366

You deserved it 1 981

By W T F - 03/06/2015 07:22 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 155

You deserved it 3 647

scb197 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:01

#2, have you never passed out before? takes a damn nuclear blast to wake up.

tendollabill 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 22:57

well you sure got nice friends....

Comments

muse88 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 9:35

u woulda had a hang over none the less...so now u had the hickey and a hangover...and how did u sleep through that between the noise and it on ur neck??

PTERONOPHOBIA 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 13:41

#19, a vaccuum's suction is certainly stronger than anyone who's sucked on MY neck... and I love that they did that, just because the most awesome excuse for a hickey in the world is "I got it from a vaccuum!!!" because who believes that? nobody.

l33tm0nk3y 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 19:59

see, that's why you don't drink that much... drinking is okay. drinking till you pass out...not such a great idea.

Bkkid99 0

Friday 6 March 2009 1:03

Well you have some nice friends dont you. Lmao Thats a funny situationn

SEXMUFFIN21 0

Friday 6 March 2009 4:44

no offense but if your girlfriend thinks that your perfect circle hickey is from another girl then she is not very bright

Malicious_fml 0

Friday 6 March 2009 8:33

Drag those friends to explain if you have to.

splat_fml 0

Friday 6 March 2009 12:30

Sucks man, sucks. Pun intended :D

beardsnbicycles7 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 10:26

hey, don't drink. it won't happen.

mzmaverickd 7

Saturday 7 March 2009 20:08

Well at least the parents will think it's from her. But if you can get out of the lunch, try. And talk to her... I'm sure she knows by now if you are meeting her parents that your friends are assholes.

KingMissile9 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 21:35

if you had your shoes on when you passed out, you TOTALLY deseved it. if not, it's still funny. my buddies parents were going to come up one day and he got shitfaced the night before and passed out with his shoes on. we had a pack of sharpies in case anyone was dumb enough to pass out and we tagged his entire body (his girlfriend even got his dick). now that was a funny next day.