Intimacy: Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey"...

By hoovered - 04/03/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 067

You deserved it 22 461

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Same thing different taste

By allalone - 14/07/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 333

You deserved it 45 478

By anonymous - 04/10/2017 20:51

Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 497

You deserved it 431

By tkrause - 01/04/2013 17:17 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 459

You deserved it 4 168

By IloveJapan - 02/04/2012 14:02 - Japan

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 455

You deserved it 10 164

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 029

You deserved it 7 508

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 401

You deserved it 37 710

Admission time

By peeoncarl1111 - 29/01/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 487

You deserved it 120 592

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 077

You deserved it 5 419

By Anonymous - 30/07/2012 06:41 - United States - Centralia

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 372

You deserved it 1 981

By W T F - 03/06/2015 07:22 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 169

You deserved it 3 649

scb197 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:01

#2, have you never passed out before? takes a damn nuclear blast to wake up.

tendollabill 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 22:57

well you sure got nice friends....

Comments

whitey_fml 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 2:12

BANDAID. a big one. really.

JackTheRipper_fml 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 3:15

who the **** gets drunk the night before they meet their lovers parents? dumb ****

JoeSachmo 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 3:30

okay this isn't that painful, as people said, there are things you can do, but I thought the username was hilarious "hoovered" that was witty my friend.

thebaroness1984 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 3:56

If you are a man, don't ever pass out drunk with your friends. It's a given. They will do something mean.

kjia 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 5:13

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hopefully your gf knows you and your friends well enough to believe you.

coolcourt143 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 7:01

hahaha #24 good point, but i cant blame him. dude you HAVE to come back on here and tell us how it went i'm dying to know if she believes you!

albabi956 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 7:20

rub it with a spoon pretty hard for 5-10 minutes. i had a black and blue hickey once that was gone in 15. and yea, maybe you shouldn't drink the night before meeting the rents, but **** you to everyone judging you for passing out drunk. when you pass out you don't wake up for a nuclear bomb, so get off his/her ass.

milsio 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 8:32

if you were passed out, how do you know it was from a vacuum cleaner and not from a girl or a guy?

hackymeal 0

Tuesday 25 May 2010 11:05

they told him?

ALK31 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 8:49

HAHAHA AMAZING. this is the best FML i've read in a while

Tenantry 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 9:22

Reminds me of the time I passed out and had **** written on my face, woke up late for work rushed to work w/o washing. Not good but hey you learn form it.