Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend gave birth to our first child. Our nurse...

******* asshole. If anybody should be on here, it’s your girlfriend, because the father of her child is a two-timing douche who can’t be faithful and feels the need to stick his dick in every woman he meets, i.e., you.

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The Top

Today, I have a stutter that gets worse with stress. We got a new supervisor today and the first thing she said to me was, “Either spit it out or write it in an email, for fuck's sake!” I’m now so scared of her, I go almost mute if we’re in the same room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 93

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 491

You deserved it 15 056

The Top

Today, even though I’m having contractions, I’m still trying to clean up the house. My husband just got pissy with me because I was rolling the vacuum behind me instead of picking it up and carrying it to the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 978

You deserved it 243

Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 249

You deserved it 4 797

Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 185

Today, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend I still love, and his new girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. Embarrassingly, she was wearing the same top as me. However hers was in size 6, unlike my 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 488

You deserved it 18 786

Today, my parents staged an intervention because I ate a year's supply of noodles in 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 744

You deserved it 46 902

Today, I learned that my 13 year-old daughter has been wearing the same pad for a week “because there’s no blood on it.” When I told her that it's still disgusting, she tried to defend herself be saying that, "no one ever told her how long she could wear it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 2 858