By fineididntwantkidsanyway - 02/12/2012 23:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Spicy
Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML
I agree, your life sucks 29 894
You deserved it 4 533
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Same thing different taste

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Top comments

jamalamadingdong 18

Maybe the nutcracker suite would have been more appropriate?

314 4

Comments

KY_Jelly 10

Doesn't matter had sex. But seriously, ouch. Next time finger her to 'O Christmas Tree'?

5 21
ICastillo 24

Or Op can Give her the "Shocker" or the "Barbwire".

6 0
onlychildFTW 33

It doesn't sound like fun sex. Sounds painful.

4 0
watermelon1 35

Love the name, OP!

14 0
HortonThelephant 15

Anytime you are receiving a handjob is NEVER a fml. Ask her for a hummer.

0 0
aw3som3sauc3 10

I think this is an exception to that rule, he had his nuts smashed to the same place #3 is going to be downvoted to... Oblivion...

1 2
aw3som3sauc3 10

Damn it! I chose the wrong comment, and the window to fix the comment has closed... In any event, it is a rather interesting name for the Original Poster to have, almost as if his FML was all planned out... CONSPIRACY I SAY!

1 4
aw3som3sauc3 10

I feel as though literally anything would have made him feel better than that... I mean, that's terrible...

4 3
SoylentCandycorn 10

OP's girlfriend really needs to have a bit of restraint. She's pleasuring her significant other, not opening a jar of pickles.

11 0
watermelon1 35

You usually smash a jar of pickles with your palm when you're trying to open it?

1 2
SoylentCandycorn 10

If it's that stubborn a lid and I'm that hungry, then yes, yes, I do. What I'm trying to say is that you should generally take more care with your other half's genitals then you do with uncooperative snack containers.

0 0
the_enigma1019 1

"today I got a handjob"... I don't think your life is THAT ******, especially if she didn't slap you hard.

0 5
0RedPenguin0 8

FMLs don't have to be about people's lives getting ruined. Just their balls.

0 0
poindexter25 5

Who cares if your balls swell up to 3 times there normal size, you got a hand job. Tell me what's better than having someone else do your masturbating for you, (besides sex) because it can be a pain in the ass

0 10
MalloryKnox 8

I'll tell you what's better... Making an unintentional (but awesomely relevant and hilarious) reference to How the Grinch Stole Christmas! "His small heart grew three sizes that day!" And if it was intentional then you have my apologies you sly dog ;)

6 0
TheLadyOpal 30

She just wanted to roast your chestnuts, OP.

1 1