Miscellaneous: Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being...

By whoops - 01/08/2014 20:45 - United States - Vincennes

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 362

You deserved it 25 976

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 20:00 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad, "What's up?" He casually replied, "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 014

You deserved it 3 045

By nacho - 24/01/2012 06:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 087

You deserved it 4 338

By reality_stricken - 04/11/2009 14:00 - Guam

Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 437

You deserved it 8 162

By perfectlybrokenx - 24/08/2010 04:21 - Canada

Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 796

You deserved it 52 194

By SadPuppy - 22/05/2013 07:14 - United States

Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 831

You deserved it 3 549

By Anonymous - 26/07/2009 17:00 - France

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 754

You deserved it 58 953

Little shit

By Anonymous - 12/12/2021 16:58

Today, while at a family reunion, I jokingly asked my 18-year-old son, "When are you and your girlfriend going to give me a grandson?" He then retorted, "When are you going to die?" I was unable to answer at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 1 710

By not picking up - 20/03/2015 17:50 - Slovenia - Zelimlje

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 455

You deserved it 2 611

By pdub523 - 27/01/2013 05:57 - United States - Longview

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 193

You deserved it 3 814

Soldier boy

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 12:00

Today, after my idiot son joined the army, flew out on deployment, he then flew straight back home again after accidentally shooting himself. His squad leader said it was the most bizarre accident he’d ever seen while still being considered an accident. As I said, my son's an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 232

MrConcise 34

Saturday 2 August 2014 5:15

He respawned like in a first-person shooter.

amberr_harperr 15

Saturday 2 August 2014 5:10

you deserved it. at least he had some sort of humor whether it was sarcastic or not. maybe he'll forget. but you deserved that one. you even labeled yourself as a "grade a fucktard"

Comments

wildsweetchild 19

Saturday 2 August 2014 8:59

he's got a point.

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 2 August 2014 9:09

Shows you care right?

ckcknight 13

Saturday 2 August 2014 9:21

There are much worse things you could have asked. My best friends mother's first thing she said was, "Did you kill anybody?" That was before she even said hello.

Norja 33

Saturday 2 August 2014 9:23

I respect the fact that you know you're dumb :)

kickass1954 14

Saturday 2 August 2014 9:29

I'm sorry but that's just stupid....

cjwayy 22

Saturday 2 August 2014 9:40

Once a friend invited me to her grandmother's funeral and I asked "did she die?" So we're grade-A fucktards together.

tbon3r 15

Saturday 2 August 2014 11:03

unless you have brain damage.. you deserved it.. you are absolutely a grade A fucktard :) thanks for the laughs though too.

sartrow 8

Saturday 2 August 2014 14:13

hey, I probably would have said something dumber, I remember how terrified I was of my girlfriends parents, he is a soldier, I would have probably shit myself as I mumbled like an idiot when I was your age, I'm 46,now and have raised 2 kids, you sound like a good kid, it's the ones that aren't worried about the parents that usually end up to be assholes, I'm sure her dad is chuckling to himself and is only closer to you now, I know I would be :)