Health: Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we...

By Anonymous - 02/11/2013 17:34 - United States - Rowland Heights

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 640

You deserved it 5 678

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 10:14 - China

Today, I was in a restaurant with my fiancée for dinner. I commented that she had some food around her mouth. She responded with a lecture, then by throwing her hot bowl of noodles at me, before stomping out the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 816

You deserved it 4 358

Healthy lifestyle goals

By Anonymous - 06/04/2023 10:00

Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 189

By serendipity1027 - 30/10/2010 13:40 - France

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 824

You deserved it 8 895

Sounds like a swell guy

By Crying - 01/03/2022 02:00

Today, I ate a slice of pizza that was left in the oven. Turns out it was my husband’s and he threw a tantrum over it. I profusely apologized and his response was, “Sorry is the cheating I’m gonna do if you keep this childish shit up!” He says stuff like that because he knows I can’t afford to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 256

By Anonymous - 24/11/2013 18:31 - France

Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 548

You deserved it 4 518

By Zoey - 09/02/2012 15:17 - Canada

Today, my husband started a food fight. During our wedding reception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 843

You deserved it 6 185

Childish doofus

By -__- - 26/12/2015 13:41

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 397

You deserved it 3 006

Misunderstanding

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:49 - United States - Rice Lake

Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 512

You deserved it 6 567

That joke isn't funny anymore

By Anonymous - 13/08/2023 00:02

Today, I told my husband that as I wasn't hungry, he had to cook for himself. He rang my Spanish stepmother as a joke to complain that I’m not wifey material. She showed up, whacked me with her Chancla, and browbeat me into cooking. He feels hella guilty, but he’s still a dead man once she leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 303

By lildale92 - 29/11/2018 05:00

Today, I asked my husband to watch our kids while I cooked food for him. Apparently I asked in the wrong tone, because now he's pouting and won't eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 880

You deserved it 383

Nyx_fml 23

Sunday 3 November 2013 1:42

After an argument, ALWAYS let the cook have the first bite.

olpally 32

Sunday 3 November 2013 1:45

You may have the ***** later op, STOP EATING NOW!

Comments

mz545486 4

Sunday 3 November 2013 14:12

Laxative!

limabeans101029 20

Sunday 3 November 2013 15:39

Sounds like a really unhealthy relationship to me. It was good that you decided to calm down before talking about it, but honestly I don't think it's that difficult to just talk it out without getting angry in the first place.

steffidallasbfl 16

Sunday 3 November 2013 15:58

Maybe nothing and just laughed to scare you

empbob 20

Sunday 3 November 2013 16:24

Always swap plates with the cook, they're not going to poison themselves.

Ray_of_midnight 22

Monday 4 November 2013 6:34

"But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own lasagna or his wife's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own dish, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what she was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the lasagna in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the lasagna in front of me."

kitkatkarley 7

Sunday 3 November 2013 16:33

He probably came in it. Next time you cook him a meal make soup with some new "broth" in it and see how he feels.

Omniprism 14

Sunday 3 November 2013 16:33

****.

SeahawksnationxD 7

Sunday 3 November 2013 17:28

Cum is my guess

CrazyMelvin 14

Sunday 3 November 2013 17:30

Hopefully he's just messing with your mind. If not, don't allow him to visit you in the hospital,

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Sunday 3 November 2013 18:32

Hopefully he didn't put anything in it and was just doing that to make you paranoid. But my guess is a laxative or something to that effect. Everyone saying he jizzed in it could also be right, but that's nasty! And doesn't he have to eat it too? Unless he made a different batch just for him.