Love: Today, my husband drew a penis on every one of my cigarettes.... - FML

By Jenn P - 22/04/2012 03:15 - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, my husband drew a penis on every one of my cigarettes. It's a new pack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 969

You deserved it 70 641

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Same thing different taste

By LizzyJones - 20/08/2013 17:38 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 185

You deserved it 8 986

It's the thought that counts

By sadwife - 31/05/2009 18:07 - United States

Today, I woke up and my husband said he got me a gift for our one year anniversary and that it was on the table. We laid around cuddling and when I finally got up I was expecting to walk out to beautiful bouquet of flowers. I got two packs of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 688

You deserved it 10 788

By Anonymous - 25/06/2013 23:26 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 861

You deserved it 5 351

By Pimp Daddy - 30/04/2017 20:00

Today, my husband put "sexual favors" on the memo line for my contractor's check. His wife saw it and he had to quit mid-job. I'm stuck with a half-finished house and my husband thinks it's funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 572

You deserved it 540

Caught in 4K

By tanksfan - 05/01/2010 05:55 - India

Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 408

You deserved it 41 941

By fucker43 - 02/06/2013 06:11 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my friend made an effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 793

You deserved it 4 731

By Anonymous - 27/06/2015 04:17 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 265

You deserved it 2 636

By fububc - 05/02/2010 15:14 - France

Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 836

You deserved it 6 423

By stopinthenameoflove - 19/06/2014 14:37 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 090

You deserved it 15 455

By blushingbride - 09/02/2014 21:59 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 367

You deserved it 4 455

Next

Top comments

furfantasies 0

Sunday 22 April 2012 8:15

Smoking is bad anyways

Chris122990 4

Sunday 22 April 2012 8:18

I think he's subtly asking for a *******.

Comments

Epsilonyx 15

Sunday 22 April 2012 8:54

He's implying that smokers suck dick. And have cancer.

pbonham 22

Sunday 22 April 2012 8:57

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

kareltje 17

Sunday 22 April 2012 8:59

Not that I'm pro-smoking, you should just quit, but really... how old is your husband?

elizabethross 0

Sunday 22 April 2012 8:59

Umm..whats actually "******* your life" over is the fact that you smoke..I wouldn't be worried about the little penises If I potentially had lung cancer on the way.

Killer_fel 15

Sunday 22 April 2012 13:49

FML means Fail My Life, not **** My Life...

Shelta957 13

Sunday 22 April 2012 13:57

No it doesn't.

corleon198425 22

Sunday 22 April 2012 9:01

Thats one way to break a cherry

PaperCandles 0

Sunday 22 April 2012 9:05

Meanwhile, OP is filling our air with secondhand smoke...

PrincessPesa 20

Sunday 22 April 2012 9:06

I bet you smoked them anyways, you dirty little **** smoker.

fuckmebutdontfml 16

Sunday 22 April 2012 9:07

I'm gonna take a wild guess and say, he's hintting that he wants you to give him a ********

NiveaKK 9

Sunday 22 April 2012 9:08

BJ time!

iHateHippiesToo 6

Sunday 22 April 2012 9:11

Your husband is awesome.

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Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Weddings Love My ex Jealousy Friends AITA Embarrassing Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Thanksgiving Covid Argument Parenting Kids Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Money Work

The Top

Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 878

You deserved it 2 095

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 981

You deserved it 9 781

The Top

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 881

You deserved it 3 270

Today, my parents and I went out to lunch with my grandma, where my mom proceeded to tell my grandma the same five or six stories she always tells her. My grandma does not have dementia or Alzheimer's. NOBODY in my family does. I, however, have great exasperation from wanting to hear something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 104

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 468

You deserved it 6 226

Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 158

You deserved it 3 306

Today, my boyfriend and I reached that point in our relationship where just a simple phone conversation was too boring. His idea to spice things up? Playing Minecraft together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 135

You deserved it 6 752

Today, my co-workers and I have to fight for our jobs because of a mistake our managers made. They get to keep their jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 224

You deserved it 385