Sometimes it isn't obvious, sadly. People like that are surprisingly and unfortunately good at hiding their true colours. And if the other person believes their partner is loving and kind, then they just don't look for bad signs. I'm hoping OP realizes how much that piece of shit doesn't deserve her. Leave him please :(

My sisters first husband hid his drug addiction from her for about 3 years. He was bipolar so she thought it was all that. Second husband didnt abuse her til about 5 years in and shes still with him. I dont talk to her anymore.

I was married for 6 years. Looking back it's easy to piece everything together but I the situation, you so want the love to be real. My ex cleverly played my insecurities so that I felt I somehow falling short of my husband and fatherly duties. Only years later did I "discover" what she is.

On top of that, she became my personal expert in my very serious medical condition. Dressed it up like it was out of love and essentially forced a dependence on herself. It took me as long as it did for me to divorce because I genuinely was afraid I'd die without her knowledge and developed skills.

My ex (boyfriend, not husband, happily) and I were young when we met. Still in school young. Not only did we have the power of hormones holding us together, we also had the naïveté of our shared, sheltered upbringing convincing us that true love was real and nothing worse than a broken car part or a disagreement over grocery shopping could ever be a part of grown-up life. A few years in, the shit hit the fan when my mother had to stay with us for a while due to psych issues, and we found out how different our responses to a crisis are...I get snippy in a hurry, and he turns into a useless turd. Things only degraded after that, what with him refusing to get professional help for psych issues of his own and instead choosing to medicate with alcohol. Basically, getting involved with people before you're a fully-fledged adult and staying with them after means you get to learn all kinds of fun lessons, though this may not be the case for OP...it's clearly not the hopefully ex-husband in waiting's first serious relationship, and you usually become a bit savvier between the first and the second. I suppose this could be the first for OP, however.