Animals: Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama...

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 733

You deserved it 8 165

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Nuts

By Almost neutered - 02/07/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 150

Poor little guy

By Almost neutered - 28/11/2022 00:00

Today, my cat wouldn't stop attacking the strings on my pants, and I couldn't get him to stop. However, he did finally stop when he missed the strings and grabbed me by the dick, because I accidentally kicked him across the room when he did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 260

CLAWS

By Attacksloth32 - 09/07/2021 01:59

Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 232

Never disrespect the cat

By Rafiki - 22/02/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 283

You deserved it 31 829

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 21:18 - United States

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 800

You deserved it 12 917

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 575

Rocky VIX

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 363

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 501

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 637

Get back here!

By catgirl911 - 13/10/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 190

You deserved it 25 157

truslide 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 1:52

i am so sick of this pussy on pussy crime!!! LOL

mooseman 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 1:50

kinky.

Comments

AngryC4t 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 2:15

lol @ #6. Also, #39 pretty much sums it up, saying "proceeded" isn't funny anymore.

whaaaaambulance 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 2:16

Pics of said ******?

thebeanishere 8

Monday 7 November 2011 3:05

That's what I'm saying!!! Lmao

thebeanishere 8

Monday 7 November 2011 3:05

That's what I'm saying!!! Lmao

Crickets 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 2:16

So now you don't have to get that piercing we all know you secretly wanted :O

YouGotJizzed 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 2:17

I'm about to make a comment about pussy(cats)...but nothing possibly appropriate comes to mind. I think #22 sums things up pretty nicely.

AUT_student 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 2:20

WOW!!! I was so NOT expecting "pussy...pussy" comments on this one!! I'm almost tempted to call fake, purely because the set-up for puns was so good; but instead, I'll offer my sympathies. I clicked FYL

redbluegreen 40

Thursday 28 May 2009 2:20

#22 - The only part I noticed was the Panic reference. As for the rest, what is this? I don't get it. I'm almost afraid to look it up. The comments on here are hilarious.