Today, my moron of a teenager drank lube to lubricate his throat... - FML

By Anonymous - 27/04/2019 04:00

Today, my moron of a teenager drank lube to lubricate his throat during a coughing fit, thinking it would take away the itchiness in his throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 217

You deserved it 402

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

It burns

By WTF - 16/03/2011 22:05

Today, after my 22-year-old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 531

You deserved it 12 563

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

By Anonymous - 09/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 777

You deserved it 12 062

Adding injury to injury

By BeLoud13 - 11/09/2022 07:30

Today, I took cough syrup for a miserable COVID sore throat and harsh cough. It went down the wrong tube, and now I'm coughing worse, trying to get it out of my lungs. It hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 158

By Anonymous - 13/10/2014 00:38 - United States - Racine

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 015

You deserved it 5 174

By Why Me - 15/08/2018 04:00

Today, I borrowed my friend's truck to move. After unloading everything, I worked up a killer appetite and went to a drive thru. I found some Germ X in the truck, so I could eat on the way home... or so I thought. It turned out to be anal lube. I covered my hands in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 890

You deserved it 669

TW: Gross

By Anonymous - 14/02/2011 00:09 - Denmark

Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 424

You deserved it 2 835

By afather - 14/06/2015 13:41 - United States - Worthing

Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 398

You deserved it 6 532

By Ramis182 - 03/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 755

You deserved it 6 027

By finalfantasy - 21/06/2018 17:30 - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 852

You deserved it 267

By redeye - 19/09/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, my younger brother decided it would be funny to put rubbing alcohol in my contact lens case while I had them soaking overnight. I didn't realize this until I put the first one in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 681

You deserved it 2 459

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 27 April 2019 4:16

Moron? Really?!?! To me, that seems like a pretty slick move.

bloopaloop 27

Saturday 27 April 2019 4:32

His boyfriend probably told him to do that for other reasons.

Comments

MidnaLink 33

Saturday 27 April 2019 4:15

Poison control, they’re probably wonderful people right now.

Bubbilility 27

Sunday 28 April 2019 10:09

Oh... I thought, like, edible lube... but if it's car lube it will certainly stop the itching.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 27 April 2019 4:16

Moron? Really?!?! To me, that seems like a pretty slick move.

bloopaloop 27

Saturday 27 April 2019 4:32

His boyfriend probably told him to do that for other reasons.

julfunky 29

Saturday 27 April 2019 5:56

He’s only a moron if it didn’t work..

CaptLightbulb 9

Saturday 27 April 2019 6:48

...did it work?

alycion 38

Saturday 27 April 2019 10:56

Sometimes anything is worth a try.

manb91uk 22

Saturday 27 April 2019 11:39

Lube is non-toxic so I can see the logic there. At least he's the kind of person who tries new things... Question is.. Whose lube was it? And are you more pissed off because you don't have any left anymore?

manb91uk 22

Monday 29 April 2019 0:16

Well, after I swallowed your dad's lubed-up ****, I felt bloody lovely! Shame his most defective sperm swims fastest though, you could have been SO much more!

protoskore 27

Saturday 27 April 2019 14:22

If ever an FML required a followup, it is this one

cperagui 18

Saturday 27 April 2019 16:34

oh no...this is why sex education is so important.

Bubbilility 27

Sunday 28 April 2019 10:08

I mean... did it work tho?

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Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 595

You deserved it 6 877

Today, my dishes smelled so perfume-y after going through the dishwasher and a clean glass of water tasted soapy. I checked the pods my husband bought and loaded into the dishwasher to make sure we never got that brand again. They were laundry detergent pods. I was essentially a millennial eating a Tide Pod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285

You deserved it 294

Today, my Kung Fu-trained father found out that my boyfriend, a Krav Maga student, got me pregnant. Since I'm only 17, my dad got extremely mad. Several broken bones and a few ambulances later, it looks like a Steven Seagal movie happened in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 1 018

Today, I realized I pay $160/month to get two texts a day. One from my bank telling me how much I have, one for my credit card telling me how much I owe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 112

You deserved it 6 766

Today, my girlfriend "got even" with me after an argument by telling people that I've been beating her. Three guys later came over to my place and beat the crap out of me. Her reaction: "I didn't think they'd take it so serious!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 057

You deserved it 4 275

Today, I was delivering pizzas and hit up a dude’s house who ordered two boxes of extra large. He gave me the exact change. I asked him, “What about the tip?” He paused for a minute, let out this loud rancid fart and said, “There’s your tip bub, now piss off!” and shut the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 1 479