Intimacy: Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg...

By Danny - 07/01/2012 10:27 - Australia

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 797

You deserved it 44 314

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 113

You deserved it 10 955

Knackered

By Anonymous - 25/11/2021 08:01

Today, when I got home from work exhausted and literally ready to fall over, my mom had me carry several heavy bags of dog food for her. Yesterday, it was coals; before that it was horse feed and gas bottles. Before that, I'd just asked her to keep the hard, physical work to the weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 232

Big Mac

By Raiden - 10/03/2013 16:03 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonald's everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 591

You deserved it 5 355

TMI

By Autumn - 18/12/2017 01:30

Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 326

You deserved it 421

By mynameislor - 09/02/2010 14:26 - Canada

Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 238

You deserved it 7 425

By iGreen - 09/07/2011 14:34 - Canada

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 545

You deserved it 3 629

By anonymous - 08/10/2011 20:40 - United States

Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 560

You deserved it 17 497

By preggo - 04/12/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 998

You deserved it 4 195

By concernedson - 12/09/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 571

You deserved it 4 942

Meat

By ohmyx3 - 30/04/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 624

You deserved it 10 070

Awahso 25

Saturday 7 January 2012 16:19

Okay, come on now. That's hilarious.

ICATiger 13

Saturday 7 January 2012 16:20

Tell her carrots make you horny.

Comments

ankoku 2

Tuesday 10 January 2012 21:22

The only thing left to do now is escalate the conflict by banging on the table while your family watches and tell your mom the next move is on her

lost_ginger 7

Wednesday 11 January 2012 1:00

LMAO! This actually made me laugh out loud sitting in the doctors office, Mom win!

ragnarokkkk 0

Wednesday 11 January 2012 1:05

Your mom wins.

kyliekjf 0

Wednesday 11 January 2012 5:29

pounds

Haaskyle 2

Wednesday 11 January 2012 6:09

Sounds fair, you shouldn't have sex until marriage anyway!

theguynooneknows 0

Wednesday 11 January 2012 6:16

i would have been like well then, whats up dock and grabbed a carret

bajadad 5

Wednesday 11 January 2012 6:32

Ask for more carrots. Tell her 20 lbs is not enough!

BabyMimi00 12

Thursday 12 January 2012 2:33

You're right, 20lbs is not enough... good thing it's 20kg. This is pretty funny though. You should just buy your own food really.

chevyrider20 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 17:47

Look at her and tell her that you test drive the car before you buy it not once but several times

picturescrazy 24

Sunday 15 January 2012 0:32

Ewww, have some respect for your mother and don't make her have to hear you two going at it D:

Swisscakes 0

Sunday 15 January 2012 23:07

You should have grabbed a carrot and said "now I have some business to attend too"

Keywords

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The Top

Today, there was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, so I said, "Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world." My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 423

You deserved it 13 444

Today, my dad agreed to let me borrow the car to go rock climbing with my friends. He'd just filled it up with gas, which is how I realized halfway back home that one of my "friends" had siphoned well over half the gas straight out of the tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 895

You deserved it 2 259

The Top

Today, my house caught fire right before I was supposed to present a school project. My teacher told me to, "just suck it up and do it anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 84

Today, my dad told me that I'm nothing but a burden because I can't work, and disability is worth nothing. It's not my fault I ended up in an abusive foster home that left me with spinal cord damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 273

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 239

You deserved it 5 610

Today, the girl I like said she was out drinking with a friend. I'm pretty sure she has been lying about all the times she has "fallen asleep" and could not talk, and is actually seeing other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 815

Today, we got my dad an iPad for his birthday. I had to repeatedly reassure him that he could in fact touch the screen without being shocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 559

You deserved it 4 029

Today, I was working on a project in my school's library when a group of teenagers came in and began talking and laughing and being loud. When I asked them to please quiet down, the librarian asked me to leave for being too loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 893

You deserved it 2 457

Same thing different taste

Knackered

Big Mac

TMI

Meat

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