Intimacy: Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg...

FML for mobile
Free

By Danny - 07/01/2012 10:27 - Australia

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 808

You deserved it 44 335

World Environment Day : Green and Vaudevilles
Stories where love for the planet meets situations that are as green as they are funny! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 121

You deserved it 10 958

Knackered

By Anonymous - 25/11/2021 08:01

Today, when I got home from work exhausted and literally ready to fall over, my mom had me carry several heavy bags of dog food for her. Yesterday, it was coals; before that it was horse feed and gas bottles. Before that, I'd just asked her to keep the hard, physical work to the weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 239

Big Mac

By Raiden - 10/03/2013 16:03 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonald's everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 600

You deserved it 5 358

TMI

By Autumn - 18/12/2017 01:30

Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 335

You deserved it 423

By mynameislor - 09/02/2010 14:26 - Canada

Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 249

You deserved it 7 431

By iGreen - 09/07/2011 14:34 - Canada

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 550

You deserved it 3 631

By anonymous - 08/10/2011 20:40 - United States

Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 564

You deserved it 17 502

By preggo - 04/12/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 011

You deserved it 4 200

This has gone too far

By concernedson - 12/09/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 584

You deserved it 4 945

Meat

By ohmyx3 - 30/04/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 636

You deserved it 10 080

Awahso 25

Saturday 7 January 2012 16:19

Okay, come on now. That's hilarious.

ICATiger 13

Saturday 7 January 2012 16:20

Tell her carrots make you horny.

Comments

cheesendouche 1

Monday 9 January 2012 13:34

mother ****** win !!!!!!

bio87haz 1

Monday 9 January 2012 16:42

That's kickass. I say go mom on this one

sat123 12

Monday 9 January 2012 17:38

Make a tray of ice cubes, and tell her that as long as she continues being frigid, that's all she gets to eat.

hyden121 2

Monday 9 January 2012 18:39

Someone is jealous...

MrBrightsidexvi 6

Monday 9 January 2012 19:03

Gigady, I'd be proud. To have people notice how vigorous you are is an achievement.

meesa 0

Monday 9 January 2012 23:24

awesome. I agree ^__^

supersexyme 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 0:03

Lol

michaelZ06 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 2:31

looks like it's bk to waking it for u buddy

lyle125 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 6:57

Are you sure it was not your boyfriend and the carrots were not for eating, right away at least

woopdattrick 5

Tuesday 10 January 2012 8:53

Pwned by your own Mother.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Love Kids Babysitter Technology Dating Embarrassing Geek Poopoo peepee Family Annoying Work Proposal Awkward Health Autism Food Jealousy Animals Scary Gross Insomnia Relationship advice Miscellaneous Neighbours Friends Bodyshaming Intimacy Sex Money Parents

The Top

Today, my boyfriend showed me his bucket list. Normal bucket lists are beautiful, full of sweet things like, "See Paris with my wife" or, "Learn to play the piano". His was all childish destructive bullshit like, "Throw dynamite out of a car window" or, "Get my ass eaten out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 349

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 311

You deserved it 9 171

The Top

Today, I called my boyfriend at 2 a.m., telling him I couldn't sleep. He replied, "Well, I can," and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 2 973

Today, my husband said he was going to get errands. According to his job’s Instagram page which I follow, he was actually at his work Christmas formal. He never invited me. That’s not all. I also found his wedding band in the bathroom sink. Very close to the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 145

Today, once again I tried to convince my dad to stop smoking. And once again, while I was speaking, he lit up a cigarette and smoked until my asthma flared up and I was wheezing so hard that I had to leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 786

You deserved it 4 162

Today, my little sister came up to me and said, "Aww, don't be sad. Even ugly people can get boyfriends." She then smiled, patted my back, and walked off. I wasn't actually sad before, but I am now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 314

You deserved it 3 110

Today, while I was looking for a file on my boyfriend's hard drive, I came across photos of a half-naked woman wearing my clothes, but whose head wasn't really visible. When I demanded an explanation, I realised that it wasn't another girl - it was him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 904

You deserved it 3 617

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, wearing just a Santa hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 913

You deserved it 333