Miscellaneous: Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone...

By notmuchfun - 20/07/2010 21:17 - United States

Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 459

You deserved it 4 687

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Same thing different taste

More like high key

By Anonymous - 27/09/2024 11:00

Today, I had no idea my mom was low key racist until I told her I was dating a black woman, and she told me that was fine, just as long as I didn’t do something silly like fall in love with her or let her distract me from finding a proper wife. Wow mom, just wow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 137

Don't mention it

By Anonymous - 28/03/2022 06:00 - United States - Verona

Today, my mother went on another long rant, detailing 20 years of bad things that we all already knew about a relative. The slightest recollection in a conversation never fails to turn into unending monologues. I can't change the past, nor the subject of conversation apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 91

Controlling

By Anonymous - 19/03/2022 04:00

Today, I caught my mom in the back row of one of my lectures, so I confronted her. Apparently she’s been doing this all year to make sure I’m paying attention in class and not making friends with the "wrong sort of people" (yes, she's a racist as well). I can't wait to move out of her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 147

Me is what matters

By Anonymous - 15/08/2020 05:01

Today, my mother once again interrupted me and talked over me, as though I wasn't saying anything at all. Then she wondered why I remained quiet after she was done talking about her mother doing that. Must run in the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 04:30 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the N-word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 628

You deserved it 9 212

By Anonymous - 30/08/2013 00:48 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother yet again went on a long rant about how much of a loser I am as I have "never had boyfriend" and I'm 26. Truth is, I've been in the same relationship for over five years but it "doesn't count because he's black." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 840

You deserved it 7 338

By look how totally not racist I am! - 11/07/2014 03:32 - United States - Salida

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 099

You deserved it 4 002

Ironic

By Anonymous - 27/03/2021 02:01

Today, I overheard my caucasian mother on the phone lamenting to a friend that her future grandchildren won’t “look American”. Any future grandchildren of hers would be half Lakota native. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 137

Hogwatch

By Anonymous - 19/02/2022 00:01

Today, I had to slowly and very seriously explain to my mother why there is no 'White History Month'. I can't believe we are actually related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 316

Delulu

By Favorite - 13/11/2023 15:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my mom scolded me for ruining my sister's "vacation" here. She just got deported from abroad, and was only gone for 2 months after falling for a marriage scam. Now she deludes to herself that she was born and raised there, and claims not to understand our mother tongue, calling it third world primate language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 97

Trupe 3

Wednesday 21 July 2010 1:23

Black guy no like racist mommy. Very offensive

gabbster95 0

Wednesday 21 July 2010 1:45

maybe you should start talking to her like a caveman and see how much she likes it....

Comments

JohnnySack 0

Wednesday 21 July 2010 2:10

That is awfully considerate of your mother!

AyyItsPeyton 0

Wednesday 21 July 2010 2:11

i talk that way to chinese people when im ordering take out

ArtIsResistance7 1

Wednesday 21 July 2010 2:23

Someday they'll give you a special order: Cream of Sum-Yung-Gai.

F_MY_L1FE 0

Wednesday 21 July 2010 2:13

me no likey ur ma

fourtyeightguy 0

Wednesday 21 July 2010 2:14

ur mom is a dousche

Maxim1 0

Wednesday 21 July 2010 2:15

my father does the same thing

earnie123 0

Wednesday 21 July 2010 2:22

ur life ******* suxks

petertut 0

Wednesday 21 July 2010 2:26

black i am aguy am white i wanted to be born black but it was not my choice fml

FeedtheBrood 0

Wednesday 21 July 2010 5:23

hmmm.....must be some kind of minority-speak.

findley 0

Wednesday 21 July 2010 2:32

I like your mom

draxmurray 1

Wednesday 21 July 2010 2:40

**** the ******

booo5 1

Wednesday 21 July 2010 2:53

akward :/ lol

LOveLy_LOla 0

Wednesday 21 July 2010 2:56

BiiTCHHH!!!!!

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The Top

Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 988

You deserved it 1 026

Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said, "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 189

You deserved it 9 535

The Top

Today, I got into a car accident and totaled my car. Also today, someone bought themselves $600 worth of office furniture online with my bank info. My bank doesn’t believe me so they won’t help me get the money back. I'm broke and carless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 266

You deserved it 232

Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I don't pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well, technically, my fiancée." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 402

You deserved it 14 241

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 509

You deserved it 511

Today, I saw the girl I've been crushing hard on. I go up to talk to her, and I'm immediately greeted by, "I like girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 568

You deserved it 797

Today, I got wii fit, wii Mario kart and wii Mario galaxy for my birthday, I don't have a wii. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 467

You deserved it 4 882

Today, while working security at my job, for the second time, a man with Down's Syndrome entered the store, went to one of the demo computers, opened YouTube, pulled up a video of oiled women wrestling and jerked off. There is no protocol in the handbook for how to deal with this scenario. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 969

You deserved it 2 522