By soulebelius - 07/09/2014 22:50 - United States

Today, my mother told me that she and my father aren't coming to my wedding if my estranged brother who stopped talking to me two years ago isn't invited. She claims they don't want to choose sides. Brother: 1. Me: 0. FML
I agree, your life sucks 37 966
You deserved it 3 256

soulebelius tells us more.

soulebelius 17

Just a quick update from the OP: this isn't the first threat my mother gave me about this. She actually influenced my sister to have the same stance. Me and my sister worked it out, but my mom crossed the line. She brings this up when it benefits her ulterior motive to reunite the family (ain't mad at her for that), but it shouldn't be brought up while we're announcing our engagement, or introducing both families for the first time, or a casual conversation months later about us getting on the same insurance. The saddest part is... Me and the missus were planning on having only our closest immediate family. It was going to be around 10 total people. I told her she doesn't have to worry anymore: no need for them to go. Not even bitter. I just want to keep the focus on the happy couple and not use our day as a family counseling session.

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Top comments

shelbycobra0991 8

That definitely sucks, OP. They say they don't want to choose sides, but by not being a part of the most important day of your life, it seems as if they have. Just don't let it stop you from enjoying your day. Get relatives or close friends to stand in for them, and when it's all said and done and they see your beautiful pictures, I'm sure they'll feel quite bad for letting a family dispute get in the way.

110 2
fffianist 9

If you're confident he won't come anyway, you can send out an invite and simply tell your parents it's his choice not to be there.

81 4

Comments

dayavera 9

don't invite your brother ir your parents, you dont want to pick sides either...

6 1
Lil_Red777 21

If someone is being crappy towards you no matter who they are (family included) no one should have to deal with that. If my parents pulled that I'd say okay, don't bother coming then.

60 0
mishwarner 14

That happened to me & at my wedding my sister screamed abuse at me when I when I was giving my speech. Don't give in. It's your wedding & is meant to be about you enjoying yourself.

17 0
Naule 11

Unless there's a reason we and your parents dont know of why you and tour brother arent speaking, I can see no harm in inviting tour brother. The ball would be in his court then. Having said that neither three of them should ruin your big day.

0 14
skittyskatbrat 19

Assuming there's a good reason he's not speaking to you, your parents should STFU about it. However, if he's just being a prick, let them know that if he mends his fences before the wedding you'd be delighted to have him there. If there is a very good reason you don't want him there and he doesn't want to be there, just let them know you'll make certain that they get a set of good pictures from the photographer and ask if they want you to stream the wedding so they can watch at home. And then go enjoy your wedding. It is supposed to be a happy day and a celebration. Having someone spiteful or a reluctant guest is not going to make it that way. So don't put yourself, or him, in that position.

11 0
Bugger_off 8

Your parents chose to blackmail you. Not only that, they are trying to force you into inviting someone that you don't feel comfortable with to your wedding. So that would make your wedding less enjoyable. That is very rude. Their attempt to take control of your wedding day is toxic. This is not about helping you having the best day of your life, this is about them asserting their authority. The fact that they dare to say that they are not choosing sides shows that they are delusional and/or have no problem with telling obvious lies. Having had a toxic mother myself, I advise you to keep communications with toxic people to a bare minimum. This may actually be a blessing in disguise: you now have a very valid argument for not wanting to see them again. If people try the 'but she is still your mother, so you have to have contact with them' argument (most people will), you now have something everybody will understand as being terrible behavior that deserves punishment.

17 0
soulebelius 17

^this this this like a mutha fucka! Me and my brother had multiple falling outs. Usually I wait until he gets his shit together, and then I forgive him. This time he didn't ask for it. It got stale. TBH, I'm not even mad at him; I'm indifferent. I feel like I don't need his pettiness around when I'm trying to better myself and advance as an independent adult. Just like you're told to have friends around that influence you to do better, it should be the same for family that doesn't bring you down.

1 0
whatthefhumanity 7

Screw them, OP. If they want to prize your brother's affection over yours, let them. Have a fantastic day without them and make them sorry they decided not to come see their baby get married.

4 1
ajean97 14

I've been there too. Only it was my grandparents who wouldn't come because I didn't invite my father. Don't let them ruin your big day because ultimately it's about you saying your vows to your husband (or wife I didn't check to see your sex I apologize). No one and nothing else matters that day.

9 1
Algorithm 24

It could be any gender of OP marrying any gender of spouse. Same-sex marriages happen too! :)

1 1
jazalea8 16

I would tell my parents not to come. It is your wedding, and they are trying to run your life as an adult. If you let them now, they will stick their nose in your married life, and it will cause problems.

6 1
concend_blk_guy 8

Family is important, and your parent could have told your brother that if he didn't come that they would break relations wit him too, u must care about him u guys grew up together, use your parents' meddling to fix your relationship. He is your brother.

0 13
TogeBara 12

You are meddling just as much as the parents by pushing OP toward his/her brother when you don't even know why they are estranged in the first place. You, as well as OP's parents, should mind your own business.

8 0
Bugger_off 8

You are the type I was talking about. Keep your rigid social norms to yourself please. Being someones brother does not entitle you to be a part of that persons life, especially if you seriously misbehaved in the past. Apparently, you lack empathy and the capability to imagine what effect mean and toxic people can have on a person.

6 0
skittyskatbrat 19

Sometimes family is only a family because of genes...and when someone normal comes out of a mix of nasty, they have two options. A miserable life trying to defend themselves, sometimes physically, from the "family" they were unlucky enough to be born in...or flat-out wising up and escaping. Anyone who doesn't realize how poisonous a "family" can be and who is out of their teens needs a reality check. Evil people are out there and sometimes it is for the best, by a LONG shot, to cut them totally out of your life. One of my friends had an alcoholic father who tried to kill his wheelchair bound mom (not a nice person herself) by pushing her down the stairs. Several times a year said friend went to school straight from the ER after dear Dad went after him or his younger siblings. The big deep bruise around his neck, the one that looked amazingly like his dad had choked him unconscious with an electric cord, was a gift from said Dad too. Yep, he totally needed to keep that bastard in his life because that is family, and his own kids would totally be missing out on some great experiences if they missed out on those family traditions. Unless you KNOW the estrangement is for a stupid reason and not due to sexual abuse, battering, etc...STFU about needing to mend fences because it is "family".

8 0