By soulebelius - 07/09/2014 22:50 - United States
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soulebelius tells us more.
Just a quick update from the OP: this isn't the first threat my mother gave me about this. She actually influenced my sister to have the same stance. Me and my sister worked it out, but my mom crossed the line. She brings this up when it benefits her ulterior motive to reunite the family (ain't mad at her for that), but it shouldn't be brought up while we're announcing our engagement, or introducing both families for the first time, or a casual conversation months later about us getting on the same insurance. The saddest part is... Me and the missus were planning on having only our closest immediate family. It was going to be around 10 total people. I told her she doesn't have to worry anymore: no need for them to go. Not even bitter. I just want to keep the focus on the happy couple and not use our day as a family counseling session.
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stick to your values.
Mend a bridge
what if OP's brother does not wish to mend the bridge, it's not OP's fault then.
My parents' argument would have been 'he's your brother, and you're inviting him'. They would have also lectured me about the importance of family, being the bigger person, and how failing to send an invite would only make things worse. I have no idea what happened between you and your brother, but sending the invite makes it his decision to attend or not, and therefore, his decision to be a prick or not. Being a grown-up sucks, sometimes. Congrats on the wedding, regardless of whether your brother attends.
Being a grown-up also rocks because you can tell your parents or whoever else to shove it when the situation warrants. The only reason OP's parents might have some say over the guest list is if they're funding the wedding, but even then, OP is free to refuse future "generosity" from them. That whole "being the bigger person" thing might be important to some, but to many others, it's a giant crock of shit that isn't worth the headache. Also, family's only as important as they make themselves, and OP's sounds pretty worthless.
**** them all. All they'll do is drag your whole day and experience down. **** them all and move on and have a great wedding day without them.
Stay strong, OP. Mine are picking my older bro over me, too, and claiming that they're not. You could send an invitation just to hush them up, but if that will compromise your morals and feelings, forget it. Talk to them, try to get them to see they've already picked a side, and if it doesn't work, let it go. Easier said than done, but necessary.
Adults compromise. Are they paying for the wedding? Usually the parents of the bride pay for the wedding.
my dad didn't show up to my wedding so I just had my grandpa walk me down the isle. he'll regret it someday, no skin off my nose. just think, if they don't come, they are not worth your time and they'll regret it someday if they have half a brain. i'm also wondering what happened between you and your brother that put such a wedge between you guys? if I may be so bold as to ask.
Jbell1527
3
It is your wedding not theirs, so invite who you want to invite.
don't worry.. they would force your brother to do the same. hope he is not married yet ;)
PoisonOrchid
21
It's your wedding; do what makes you happy. With that being said, it's your wedding day and you need to decide what is most important to you. Is it important to you that your parents be there? Then bite the bullet and invite your brother. Maybe he will come and you can start mending the bridge and having a relationship with him again. Maybe he won't and at least your parents will still be there. Should you have to do this? No. Are they emotionally blackmailing you? Yes. Are they correct? No. But it is what it is. They have drawn the line in the sand and you will either play the game or you won't. Do what you have to do to have the day of your dreams. You don't want to look back and say, "Damn, I wish my parents had been at my wedding" and know that there was something you could have done about it.
Lil_Red777
21
Yeah I'd tell them to **** off too. They sound like toxic people and are way too old to be blackmailing their child.
Well said #74
nisey3313
11
Just invite him. He probably won't come anyway
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That definitely sucks, OP. They say they don't want to choose sides, but by not being a part of the most important day of your life, it seems as if they have. Just don't let it stop you from enjoying your day. Get relatives or close friends to stand in for them, and when it's all said and done and they see your beautiful pictures, I'm sure they'll feel quite bad for letting a family dispute get in the way.
If you're confident he won't come anyway, you can send out an invite and simply tell your parents it's his choice not to be there.