Miscellaneous: Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively...

By obsequiousfannyflapper - 10/02/2013 23:13 - Netherlands - Zwijndrecht

Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 121

You deserved it 2 988

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Same thing different taste

By merrymary - 07/01/2012 11:11 - United States

Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 737

You deserved it 6 053

By ohnolunch - 05/03/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, and made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informs me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 741

You deserved it 15 973

By Funyearahead - 08/08/2016 12:44 - United States - Red Bank

Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 683

You deserved it 954

By stillsick - 02/03/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 473

You deserved it 3 259

By ledon - 16/11/2011 04:15 - Canada

Today, I kindly asked my crazy roommate to move out. She answered by stuffing raw hamburger meat down all the drains in the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 268

You deserved it 3 197

Rampage

By emmalou - 16/09/2021 08:01

Today, my roommate is rampaging in the house at 1:00 a.m. because her stuff was moved out of the pantry for the new person, after being asked several times to move it herself. Apparently, she didn't see the text message heads-up, because she refuses to use her phone as a source of connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 127

By Ghettogirl4life - 12/07/2011 13:34 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 045

You deserved it 3 175

By anonymous - 08/10/2011 20:40 - United States

Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 560

You deserved it 17 497

Roommates from Hell

By Snoodist - 06/05/2019 20:00

Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 154

By Becoming a commuter. - 04/09/2012 17:14 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 926

You deserved it 2 114

littlemonster94 15

Monday 11 February 2013 3:00

Your roommate has presented you the perfect opportunity to pull some master pranks. Use her paranoia to your advantage.

0RedPenguin0 8

Monday 11 February 2013 3:03

Put iocaine in her drink after building up an immunity to it. Problem solved.

Comments

grumpybr 13

Monday 11 February 2013 3:18

You got yourself a perfect looney. Good luck with that.

perdix 29

Monday 11 February 2013 3:19

Why are you the expendable one? Didn't you write it into the Roommate Agreement that the least senior resident has to lay down their life for the senior? Bazinga!

tararochelle 18

Monday 11 February 2013 3:24

Paranoid much?? Hopefully your roommate is on the proper meds or has had help! If she is delusional, things could get scary for you!

perdix 29

Monday 11 February 2013 3:53

#19, yes, she's much paranoid. OK, I don't really know how to deal with the "____ much?" construct.

chucknorris76 3

Monday 11 February 2013 3:31

chuck poisons poison.

Happyhighs1 3

Monday 11 February 2013 3:36

Better get a new roommate befor she decides your plotting to kill her and tries to beat you to it....... Or sleep with your door locked

HeartOfLead 24

Monday 11 February 2013 4:44

Wait, why would OP want to keep her door locked if her roommate will try to kill herself before OP gets the chance?

drewflav 17

Monday 11 February 2013 6:38

21 - It's "you're", not "your". 48 - I think you misread the comment. The implication isn't that the paranoid roommate is suicidal, rather murderous. "Kill or be killed".