Miscellaneous: Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our...

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 03:48 - United States

Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 365

You deserved it 3 063

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Same thing different taste

Creepy

By Username - 03/10/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 518

You deserved it 3 371

Lurker

By Katie - 20/02/2011 08:35 - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 078

You deserved it 3 103

Psssssych!

By Welcome to Florida - 20/07/2017 13:01

Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 346

You deserved it 542

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:52 - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 797

You deserved it 6 882

Snek

By afraidtosleep - 13/10/2012 06:35 - United States - Houston

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 984

You deserved it 6 330

Not on a plane

By Surewhatever - 16/10/2019 14:01

Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 147

By olive_costume - 05/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 720

You deserved it 8 067

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 02:43 - United States - Boston

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 068

You deserved it 3 784

By Anonymous - 03/06/2015 01:34 - United States - West Chester

Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 437

You deserved it 4 372

By seriousdubsteplover - 30/10/2009 05:08 - Australia

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 685

You deserved it 2 173

HerpYourDerp 7

Friday 28 October 2011 12:05

What do you mean, "again"? How many times has that snake been missing in your apartment?

Buttsexpirate 9

Friday 28 October 2011 12:08

While in the bathroom you're gonna hear "Feed me ssssseymour!"

Comments

truecountrybitch 22

Monday 23 February 2015 21:06

false snakes are attracted to heat and movement...not blood

PopularPoptart 8

Monday 21 December 2015 17:02

You do know that no snakes are attracted to blood, right? They're attracted to warmth

AwkwardBookworm 27

Saturday 20 February 2016 2:47

Time for a new roommate

Andrei I 9

Friday 9 February 2018 14:38

evidently you're roommates with a moron

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The Top

Today, my father won't let me sleep in the same bed as my fiancée, because, "God dislikes indecent things." I've been with my fiancée for over 5 years. My father came to live with us months ago, because his now ex-wife sacked him for cheating on her and scamming her. FML

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You deserved it 348

Today, I was shopping with my husband. At the self-checkout, one of the items I was buying for him as a gift didn’t register. As we were walking out, I get stopped and escorted to the loss prevention office, where I was accused of stealing. FML

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The Top

Today, I had to get stitches on my foot and was then forced to wear a plastic bag on my foot while showering. The plastic bag made me slip in the shower and had to go back and get stitches in my forehead. FML

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Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

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You deserved it 261

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 387

You deserved it 11 829

Today, I went on a blind date set up by old college friends. The dude was very nice, then we started reminiscing about our high school and college years. I mentioned people doing stupid challenges, which is when I made fun of the idiots who ate Tide Pods. Turns out he was one of them. FML

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Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

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Today, I was refilling some guy's iced tea at bandana's, and the uppity jerk had the gall to ask me if I ever kissed a girl considering how fat I am, how high my voice is, and how little money I make. FML

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