Intimacy: Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't... - FML

By _The__Doctor_ - 31/12/2012 22:44 - United States - Venice

Spicy

Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to my back the whole way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 333

You deserved it 3 731

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By emmamrose7 - 15/08/2014 03:36 - United States - Vista

Spicy

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 721

You deserved it 6 071

Not cut out for this

By Anonymous - 18/12/2016 02:10

Today, I took my girlfriend skydiving for her birthday. I insisted on joining her to make it a memory for us both, despite my fear of heights. I passed out twice mid-freefall and had to be saved by the instructor both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 807

You deserved it 1 412

By Anonymous - 04/12/2015 20:36 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 105

You deserved it 2 937

By Fuperman - 02/06/2013 23:14 - France - Illange

Today, I went on my first ever assisted skydive. I fainted after we jumped, and only came to as we touched the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 680

You deserved it 6 731

Conversational skills

By no_leather_of_any_kind - 07/04/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 526

You deserved it 9 702

By Erica - 08/07/2013 17:27 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 628

You deserved it 72 531

By loser. - 20/03/2010 06:23 - Canada

Today, I dove into the water perfectly, and my bikini bottoms came off. I splashed around nervously. This guy must have thought I was drowning, and dove in to save me. He emerged from the water carrying a half naked girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 611

You deserved it 5 501

By wrongman - 14/02/2018 19:00

Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 609

You deserved it 7 728

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 655

You deserved it 9 534

By Anonymous - 15/01/2017 22:00

Today, I went scuba diving for the first time. The diver took me down some 3 meters and I started showing the thumbs up. He thought I was excited. My breather wasn't working and I was using the sign he told me to use to go up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 796

You deserved it 776

Next

Top comments

buckdharma 36

Tuesday 1 January 2013 5:41

Did you yank the right cord?

lilhellian 26

Tuesday 1 January 2013 5:48

Don't worry that's just turbulence.. Giggity...

Comments

icanfititin 0

Tuesday 1 January 2013 23:06

Sex at terminal velocity?

Yarrachel 16

Wednesday 2 January 2013 0:51

For anyone who is still confused, let's go over what was wrong with this scenario: 1. He's doing this at work. That's just unprofessional. 2. The OP is supposed to have a level of trust in him, since he is her instructor. That makes hitting on her even more inappropriate than if this guy had just been some cashier at a store. 3. She was jumping out of a plane at the time. Even hitting on someone politely really isn't a good idea when the person is likely already nervous. 4.They were jumping out of the plane attached together, and the OP couldn't leave. Saying something like this when the person can't even choose to leave the situation is terrible. 5. Making comments of a sexual nature is definitely an issue of knowing your audience. Sure, if you know the person well enough to know that they will be okay with it then fine, but don't make comments like that to someone you barely know. 6. Compliments are meant to make the other person feel good about themselves. If you have made a comment way beyond what the relationship allows, making the other person uncomfortable, then you have failed! Any questions?

Fman92 9

Wednesday 2 January 2013 9:11

thank you captain obvious i would have just gone with lawsuit short simple and straight to the point

BigSexy123 11

Wednesday 2 January 2013 18:33

Sadly, it's not so obvious, as some people (as seen above) still do not get it. I agree with you on the lawsuit thing, though. :P

DutchBasterd 15

Wednesday 2 January 2013 1:08

is that your mentos or are you a pervert...

annoyingling 1

Wednesday 2 January 2013 9:09

the question is, was he hot?

RaVeN53 7

Thursday 3 January 2013 18:18

Was he cute?

Swag12345678910 2

Saturday 5 January 2013 4:11

Ur skydiving but hes muf diving

cartedor 18

Saturday 5 January 2013 9:15

Did you guys discuss that very next thing that popped up on the way down?

yusaku02 20

Sunday 13 January 2013 19:46

Hope you reported this to the management at that organization.

Geary519 20

Thursday 7 February 2013 21:46

did u feel his pack of "mentos" poking you?

roflstomp716 19

Tuesday 19 March 2013 7:06

somebody call the boner police.

2
3
4
5
6

Keywords

Embarrassing Transportation Cars Relatable Work Mental health Awkward Social Media Love AITA Am I overreacting? Family Annoying Sex Intimacy Coworkers Poopoo peepee Health Dentist Dogs Animals Cute Sleep Shopping My ex Cats Clothes Job interview Miscellaneous Weird

The Top

Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning, he spent two hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after five minutes, then five minutes after that he was playing with the cat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 990

You deserved it 432

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 915

You deserved it 74 266

The Top

Today, I briefed a developer to delete 57 email accounts. I sent the wrong screenshots; those were the ones the client asked to stay active. The clients now don't have access to their emails until the account gets restored. I feel like crawling into a hole and dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 1 235

Today, I was going to be sick, so I ran to the bathroom. When I got there, I fainted, and fell back against the wall. When I came around, I immediately vomited all down my body, in my hair, and all over the floor. My cat judged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 139

Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 163

You deserved it 4 043

Today, I was working out at the gym. A very attractive girl was watching me work out, so feeling like a stud, I tried to lift a really heavy weight. I failed, got trapped, and watched helplessly as she walked away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 509

You deserved it 42 602

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 489

You deserved it 2 385

Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 151

You deserved it 2 537