Kids: Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed,... - FML

By Noname - 04/12/2008 04:39 - France

Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 083

You deserved it 9 228

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 444

You deserved it 16 964

By numbnuts - 23/09/2013 05:48 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 500

You deserved it 6 063

By CiaoBella - 20/06/2016 03:16

Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 524

You deserved it 2 767

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 066

You deserved it 6 155

By ... - 20/01/2019 02:00

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 224

You deserved it 767

By Wmsys32pr9 - 30/03/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273 899

You deserved it 30 899

Stunned silence

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 22:42 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my 7 year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of a supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 185

You deserved it 3 916

Lame

By gloria77 - 23/01/2012 23:26 - United States

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 373

You deserved it 7 495

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 00:45 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 422

You deserved it 40 010

By Anonymous - 19/10/2014 20:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 490

You deserved it 5 787

Next

Top comments

randomm 0

Monday 16 March 2009 6:21

aw thats cute.

deadguy321 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 23:40

Well, you do f*** her mother, right?

Comments

bleedinginside 0

Friday 2 April 2010 3:29

how is this not abnormal when I never knew anything till 6 and then learned everything by 6 1/2

DarkPrince_fml 0

Saturday 17 April 2010 2:28

more of a cute moment

Volturi_Love 0

Friday 11 June 2010 5:23

wonder who taught her that?? but, seriously, she's only 2 tell her to stop saying it

SaraLovesMyChem 0

Thursday 29 July 2010 8:57

Sounds like something my family would do LOL I know I'd be laughing xD

xFIRMbutGENTLEx 0

Tuesday 31 August 2010 8:04

When I was about 5 I stepped in dog poo in public and yell "****, steped in dog shit" and my parents laughed. The people around us didn't. And my family IS crazy, without a doubt.

Kurg 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 7:40

Jesus seriously what has this world come to today. I'm pretty sure when I was two I didn't even know what the word **** meant, let alone any other swear word.

GeekMaster6000 3

Tuesday 21 September 2010 7:54

YDI because that's ******* hilarious.

Susanbelle12 0

Wednesday 27 October 2010 5:27

Sounds like my family :D

michalch98 4

Sunday 2 January 2011 22:01

When I was 2 I said **** constantly becuase of my dad. When i was 11 I got a big hangover from drinking 4 beers amd a vodka shot when I went to my 20 year old cousins party. Nothing big, you op are the freak not them. And highfive ^

upbuttcoconut 5

Sunday 9 January 2011 6:47

thats not werid! When i first learned to talk i swore cause my dad did all the time. I didn't know! It's prollyy not that uncommon

2
3
4
5
6
7
8

Keywords

Shoes Miscellaneous Clothes Relatable Insurance Transportation Cars Work Health Love Cheating Clumsy Food Awkward Embarrassing Animals Dating First Dates Bikes Dogs Cute Pranks Ironic Shopping Texting Mistakes Family Fight Birthday Drunk

The Top

Today, my boyfriend told me that I'm "almost" his perfect woman, and that if I wanted to be the perfect woman, I needed to start eating his ass. Yeah, no. See you never. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 136

Today, I called out "for personal reasons" from work because I had to study for a major test that's taking place tomorrow. An hour later, my manager called to fire me for "not taking work seriously." I then got an email telling me that the test was being postponed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 512

You deserved it 4 096

The Top

Today, while working from home, I was super drowsy after a heavy bar hangout with the boys. I took a call from a customer. Next thing I know, the call was no longer there. My boss called me to tell me they left a one-star review on our site, saying I fell asleep and snored mid-call. Yes, I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 2 003

Today, I skipped class. I had never done it before, so I was a little nervous, but it was on my bucket list so I gave it a shot. Later, I found out that the professor cancelled class within the first five minutes. Everyone who showed was given extra credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 719

You deserved it 5 516

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 440

You deserved it 4 204

Today, I got the wristbands in the mail for a music festival in a month and a half. This is my first time going to an event like this and I got overzealous and put it on. Now it's locked tightly on my wrist. I checked online after and it said not to put it on before you arrive at the event. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 692

You deserved it 14 521

Today, I was at the water park, when I slipped and fell to the ground in front of the no running sign. I was walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 399

You deserved it 5 131

Today, at around 11 p.m., the police made a visit to my house, explaining how my neighbors had thought I was using a universal remote to change their television channels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 286

You deserved it 1 624