Kids: Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed,... - FML

By Noname - 04/12/2008 04:39 - France

Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 083

You deserved it 9 228

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 444

You deserved it 16 964

By numbnuts - 23/09/2013 05:48 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 500

You deserved it 6 063

By CiaoBella - 20/06/2016 03:16

Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 524

You deserved it 2 767

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 066

You deserved it 6 155

By ... - 20/01/2019 02:00

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 224

You deserved it 767

By Wmsys32pr9 - 30/03/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273 899

You deserved it 30 899

Stunned silence

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 22:42 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my 7 year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of a supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 185

You deserved it 3 916

Lame

By gloria77 - 23/01/2012 23:26 - United States

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 373

You deserved it 7 495

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 00:45 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 422

You deserved it 40 010

By Anonymous - 19/10/2014 20:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 490

You deserved it 5 787

Next

Top comments

randomm 0

Monday 16 March 2009 6:21

aw thats cute.

deadguy321 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 23:40

Well, you do f*** her mother, right?

Comments

Dam1tcartman101 0

Monday 14 February 2011 9:59

reminds me of my family. my dad got my year old cousin to say dammit and DHS

alicec123 0

Wednesday 27 April 2011 17:14

At that age, I would have got at least a little slap on the back of my hand for saying that. But luckily for me, my parents taught me better than to think that 'shit' and '****' are in the dictionary.

kissiy6 15

Sunday 12 June 2011 0:19

when I was younger I used to call the "Fox & The hound" the "******* Hound" and my family thought it was hilarious.

Miss_Awesome_101 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 2:55

she must have that cursing you phone from YouTube am I right?

rachilio 26

Wednesday 6 July 2011 2:23

so? that's cute

jonmansheppard 9

Saturday 9 July 2011 1:52

*like* lmao

AngelLove251987 0

Tuesday 12 July 2011 14:27

my sister use to say ' **** you' on everything u ask her

danishay 4

Friday 22 July 2011 7:13

One day when i was two, my mom was getting me ready to go to my grandparents, and I said 'over there I can't say ************, bullshit, cocksucker, ETC.' and we still laugh and talk about it. heck, I'm a good kid and I'm proud!

paytonmahin 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 5:25

Thats a funny family, not insane

Bladian 5

Wednesday 31 August 2011 15:31

LOL okay 56. 4 beers and a shot of vodka at 11? That would probably kill an 11 year old.

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The Top

Today, I hosted a New Year’s Eve party, but everyone left at 11:45 PM to go to another party because "it sounded more fun." I rang in the new year alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 112

Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 813

You deserved it 1 399

The Top

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 073

You deserved it 307

Today, I found out that the daily "vitamins" that my dad has been giving me for the last three months were actually weight loss pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 760

You deserved it 7 221

Today, I found out my awesome new boyfriend loves a show called Happy Tree Friends, about cutesy animals dying horribly. When I say "loves", I mean he masturbates to it. I'm running very fast and very far away now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 212

Today, my best friend admitted to me that he and my girlfriend have been cheating behind my back for the past two months. The reason he finally admitted it? Because she's now cheating on him with another one of our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 136

You deserved it 2 867

Today, while at work, I was driving a manual car for the third time ever. I managed to stall it and jolt forward, bumping the horn at the same time in front of a group of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 238

Today, I was sitting in a park with a friend when a small child approached us. Just as I moved off the bridge to let the kid play, he asked if I'd like to play as the troll under the bridge. I laughed and said, "No thanks!" to which the kid responded, "But there's nobody else ugly enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 354

You deserved it 4 380