Intimacy: Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she...

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 871

You deserved it 41 179

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Same thing different taste

No kink-shaming on FML

By thedoc - 15/07/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 564

You deserved it 6 960

Confusion is Sex

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 18:01

Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 168

It's getting hot in here…

By Anonymous - 17/06/2022 16:00 - New Zealand

Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 237

You deserved it 348

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 041

You deserved it 2 655

By Something I said? - 05/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 056

You deserved it 59 092

By anonymous - 17/04/2012 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 925

You deserved it 7 475

By tigger2013 - 03/08/2013 04:01 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 875

You deserved it 5 678

By StretchNuts - 11/03/2010 12:50 - United States

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 468

You deserved it 4 825

Such a weird move either way

By 1337fade - 07/04/2011 05:19 - Denmark

Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 286

You deserved it 9 747

By Anonymous - 17/08/2012 13:31 - United States - Newberry

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 424

You deserved it 6 884

Blazingcrono 6

Sunday 26 December 2010 12:21

The woman knows.

Doortje 29

Sunday 26 December 2010 12:28

Perfect marriage: give a little, take a little.

Comments

Pink_Kpaige 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 6:43

Wish my boyfrirnd worked that way (;

Jmalot 5

Monday 13 February 2012 2:59

I dont se the problem

MDNative 6

Sunday 9 June 2013 22:02

aint nothing wrong with that. if i were you i would just start disagreeing with her on everything from now on.

ChaCerCam 14

Thursday 24 July 2014 10:24

take her to a Broadway musical and you won't have to worry her wanting something in return.

Thunderballs 9

Saturday 20 August 2016 5:17

Pussy whipped (whip sound)

Keywords

Awkward Love Friends Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Intimacy Sex Am I overreacting? Poopoo peepee Management Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Mental health Health

The Top

Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 82

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 135

You deserved it 4 975

The Top

Today, I finally got my stubborn toddler to take an afternoon nap after an hour and a half of wrestling with her. Ten minutes later, a UPS package arrived at my door. The UPS man decided it would be a good idea to ring my doorbell repeatedly in rapid-fire sequence as he was walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 237

You deserved it 2 935

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 154

You deserved it 5 192

Today, while driving home, I saw a cop with a speed gun "hidden" by the side of the road. I went to slow down so the fuck-knob wouldn't be able to ticket me. I then had a brain-fart and floored the gas instead of hitting the brakes. Hello speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 048

You deserved it 29 720

Today, my apartment was robbed. The police report said my apartment was ransacked. No it wasn't, that's how it looks every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 945

You deserved it 2 376

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my 30-year-old husband about why Sesame Street isn't a "soap opera." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 347

You deserved it 5 140

Today, my neighbors put up their Christmas lights. They blink red and green on and off. Ever since they put them up, my dog hasn't stopped barking. It's 2:00AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 781

You deserved it 4 018