Intimacy: Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she... - FML

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 06:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 871

You deserved it 41 179

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Same thing different taste

No kink-shaming on FML

By thedoc - 15/07/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Spicy

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 564

You deserved it 6 960

Confusion is Sex

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 18:01

Spicy

Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 168

It's getting hot in here…

By Anonymous - 17/06/2022 16:00 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 237

You deserved it 348

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 05:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 041

You deserved it 2 655

By Something I said? - 05/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Spicy

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 056

You deserved it 59 092

By anonymous - 17/04/2012 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 925

You deserved it 7 475

By tigger2013 - 03/08/2013 04:01 - Australia - Cheltenham

Spicy

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 875

You deserved it 5 678

By StretchNuts - 11/03/2010 12:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 468

You deserved it 4 825

Such a weird move either way

By 1337fade - 07/04/2011 05:19 - Denmark

Spicy

Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 286

You deserved it 9 747

By Anonymous - 17/08/2012 13:31 - United States - Newberry

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 424

You deserved it 6 884

Next

Top comments

Blazingcrono 6

Sunday 26 December 2010 12:21

The woman knows.

Doortje 29

Sunday 26 December 2010 12:28

Perfect marriage: give a little, take a little.

Comments

lil_lala209 5

Monday 27 December 2010 12:22

sounds like a win/win situation to me ;)

dealerdon 0

Monday 27 December 2010 12:29

y r u bitching that sounds win win to me

missfmylife101 0

Monday 27 December 2010 13:03

someones a bit pussy whipped

Ardn 0

Monday 27 December 2010 14:16

My guy is like that... with foot rubs.

lksdliz 9

Monday 27 December 2010 19:41

At least now you know what every woman already knows...

hahasluts 0

Tuesday 28 December 2010 3:56

I only agreed with this because it should say "your wife totally sucks"

omfg_usuckatlife 0

Tuesday 28 December 2010 5:49

And what's the problem with this...?

Maxibrax459 0

Tuesday 28 December 2010 5:58

Dude are you fu*king joking? your mad cause you can get head almost everyday of your life cmon dude trust me your life is amazing

ulicksam 0

Wednesday 29 December 2010 16:43

People should be doing this for their partners all the time, and want to do this all the time, no strings attached. Anyone that only does it to get something in return is no different than a prostitute.

JesusSchwartz 5

Saturday 1 January 2011 8:42

you're going to make a mouth baby!

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 473

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 539

You deserved it 51 165

The Top

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 302

You deserved it 4 362

Today, I graduated from Basic Training. I was really looking forward to seeing my family after being away for almost three months. They decided not to come to graduation because they didn't want to spend the money to travel here. They live 30 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 493

You deserved it 3 809

Today, it was one of those rare occasions I wore shorts. The first thing my male cousin said was, "Why so sexy?” Misogyny is why I don’t wear shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 713

Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 889

You deserved it 5 066

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years came out as gay. I guess I know now why sex was infrequent and made me feel like he wasn't attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 135

Today, while riding around the lake, a pair of kids thought it was okay to take turns yanking my horse's tail and running away so they didn't get kicked. When I told the parents not to let their kids do that, they said that I shouldn't be riding if I can't "control my beast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 970

You deserved it 261